Remembering My Dear Dad

About two weeks ago, on 2nd july 08, Wednesday, I received a sms from my dad where he wished me and my husband happiness. I looked at it and thought, “Gee, since when did dad become so formal?” I even mentioned it to my husband when he came back home that day. After receiving the sms, I thought of replying immediately but found out my mobile phone had run out of credit. As it was too late to get it recharged I waited for my husband to get back home so that I could use his phone to call home. But, when he did arrive, I forgot until it was too late to call that night. To justify my forgetfulness, I thought it would be just alright to talk for an extra lenght of time durimg the weekend, on Friday, as we usually do call our parents every weekend.

I felt guilty about not replying that sms on the fated Wednesday night but did nothing to remedy it, even thought about it all night and tossed and turned knowing I should have replied, late as it was, and wondering why I hadn't. Little did I know that the same thought would ring through my mind for far more than just one night after that day. I even remember how my guilt prompted me to ask my husband much later whether he thought my dad would worry that I hadn’t replied. He smiled and told me that it was about time my dad stop worrying about me. I laughed and replied with utmost certainty “but abbu will never stop worrying about me!”.

On Thursday night, abbu passed away suddenly following a massive heart attack and I flew back home on Friday. The same day I was meaning to call and talk to him.

Abbu’s face beams at me everywhere ever since I last saw him lying peacefully asleep forever. He was always smiling, a serene calm person who raised the three of us siblings in a very strict, but not too strict manner. He was always there, encouraging us, allowing us to realize our fullest potentials, never once berating us for stumbling in our ways. He was hard working, mom used to say that dad lived his life on roller skates, never pausing to enjoy life. His favorite word was “Later”, “shob hobe..pore”, (Everything will happen later). If we wanted to all take a family trip, he would say “later”. We grew up, had our own circle of friends…we never did have that family trip. Neither did I get to buy him the leather rocking chair I promised him either. “Later”, I had thought, it would be a surprise birthday present…”Later” thus became “Never”.

What can I do now to unwind time? How can I call those moments back? Why do we all live for tomorrow planning things in the future, when it’s a future we have no control over? After all, tomorrow is what abbu lived for all his life but never lived to see. He never took that world tour he wanted to go on with my mom, he never took that long holiday to relax in the countryside like he always thought he would. He worked dutifully and dilligently without rest all his life without leisure or pleasure when all along he could have lived like a king!

Every time I think of my dad, I can feel the pain he must have felt when he had had the attack, the pain that he would have felt when they were rushing him to the hospital, the thoughts that would have chased his mind. If only I could have shared a little of that pain that day, I might have felt better today. If only he would have allowed us to share a little of his worries, perhaps allowed us to carry his burdens maybe. There he was, totally giving up his entire life, his time and his strenght, focussing all his energy and living his life...just for us!

Gone is a person who knew me inside out, who was my best friend ever, who was the only person I could spend 30 pages of handwritten letters on, the one person who called people to read out my sms to him. He still has a glass shelf with all my gifts to him stored in them which he never used. He stored every scrap of thing I gave him including a file full of cards and letters I used to write to him from college, years ago. And while I am still trying to figure out what I gave in return to him all these years for all that he has done, I feel totally bereft for being so ungrateful as not to have a few seconds to even reply to an sms, and for all the things I could have done to make him smile all these years but didnt.

He was my light, he gave me strength. In me, he shall live forever.

HE HAD SO MUCH TO DO, HAD SO LITTLE TIME

"To God we belong and to Him we shall return." (Qur'an 2:156)

Time Flies By

This time the clock ticked away at break neck speed. When one is happy or extremely busy, I guess time flies faster. For me, busy was past tense and happy would certainly determine present tense.

The exams are over, the long sleepless nights studying and worrying have swished past. The hundrum of the busy schedules of a office are a thing of the past. Now, the other phase of my life has began. My married life!

For starters, I never knew marriage would be the way it is. It's just way better! My first trip with my husban, Emon to Malaysia was lovely with just the right scenic beauty giving it an ethereal touch. We met up at the KL airport, where we accidentally bumped into each other right under the sign board stating the flight details to Langkawi even though we had plans to meet up at the boarding counter. And that was the beginning of the rest of my life!

Malaysia was exactly what I had expected it to be. But of course, I had internet and a map to give me details of the trip. From it, I could choose the destination I wanted to visit, the tourist places and the weather details and I could pack accordingly. If our entire life could be planned out through the help of the internet, would it have been boring? I wonder.

Langkawi is a beautiful city, very romantic for some. It provides just the right amount of relaxing and stress-free time without the hub of the crowd and the noise. People are friendly and the ambience is calm. The food is not as great as Bangkok if I may say. But, if anyone wants a tranquil holiday, Langkawi is certainly the place.

I also met up with my childhood friend Tanmi and her beautiful babies after and before my trip to Hong Kong at Kuala Lumpur. I felt, starting off a new married life was very exciting and something to look forward to, especially when I met Tanmi and her happy family. As I boarded the flight to Hong Kong, I was happy and content. Hong Kong called the fragrant harbour, is aptly named. The only word to describe Hong Kong is "spectacular"! The beautiful skyscapers, the wonderful blue ocean, the surrounding green mountains all come together to form a scintillating view, one could almost smell the frangrance of tranquilty in the air.

And so, here I am, a month has passed by, I am a wife now and here are some of my observations on marriage till date:

* Its never what you expect. If you expect less, you will only get better.

* Its a beautiful way to be yourself with a person who will love you for who you are.

* Every day is a learning experience.

* Doing a new thing every day suddenly has a whole new meaning.

* Just watching TV is more enjoyable than it used to be before.

* Respecting the other person and giving each other a little breathing space is very important.

* Its important to make each other feel totally at ease and comfortable without feeling obligated.

* It easy to feel special without even having the other half telling you how wonderful you are.

Make it through another day!

While I am busy doing my final assignments due in four hours time, I am listening to a beautiful song titled "GOOD MORNING BABY by Runga / Wilson which is completely in sync with my situation.

You can get the lyrics of the entire song here

Blissful Coincidence!

With my statistics exam being scheduled for the day after tomorrow, I have been thinking a lot about statistical issues until I finally embarked on a startling discovery. So now, what could be the rate of probability that some of my very close friends including me would decide to tie the knot at the same time? Lets say, if I have about 300 friends around the globe, the probability that six of us could be getting married at the same time would be 0.02 or only 2%. So, shall I say it’s a coincidence now, or a stroke of fate that if I wasn’t busy attending my own wedding, here are the muslim, hindu and christian weddings held around the globe that I would have definitely attended.

Saud and Karishma tied the knot in January 2008 in Nepal and Bangalore. Karishma and I go back a long way, ever since hostel days in 1997. This pair has a eleven year long relationship that has finally successfully culminated in wedded bliss. I had promised Karishma that I would attend her wedding what comes may. How was I to know that I would be tying the knot the same month. This goes to show that planning in advance is good but we should bear in mind that there might be another fork in the road which might be better. I have had a long history of good days with this lovely pair of people. We have trekked and camped atop a hill in Kerela, went on tiger sighting at the hills of Bandipur on a tata Sumo in the middle of the night. We had barbequed burnt and raw chicken at a campsite atop a hill called "babyhill" which was no baby by comparison. We explored several tea gardens, waterfalls and beaches aligning the coastal belt of the beautiful country of India. Karishma and I have also received sharp reprimands from our hostel warden while breaking hostel rules. With all my fond memories, I hope I to see this pair in Dubai in future and I wish these two the best of luck ever and a happily married life. Perseverance does have its seeds of victory!

Nislin and Saw got married in Bangkok, Thailand. Nislin was my flatmate and a spirited young lady when I knew her so many years ago. One thing I would always remember about Nislin is how she often confused my potato curry with "tomato curry". She also repeated each sentence three times in quick succession which was so cute. When we parted six years ago, little did we know that we would meet up again two years back when I visited Bangkok on an official tour. This of course teaches me that the world is really a small place, and the reoccurance of events is highly probable even though we think it not to be.

Shripal and Yamini got married in Ahmedabad. They met more than three years ago and amidst several obstacles finally tied the knot. Shripal was my classmate when we were both struggling to achieve an MIS degree. The first thing that Shripal had told me was "I have a twin brother who looks exactly like me, isnt that cool?". In time, I was friends with not only his 'lookalike' twin brother but his sisters and his parents too. I remember how he used to send me and my roommate free packets of glucose from his dad's sugar factory when he finally moved away from town. Talk about innovative ways of keeping in touch! I wish this pair the best of all worlds possible.

Rahat and Aly's wedding was held three days prior to my wedding. We had plans of what to wear in the others' big day but as it turned out, I was getting my mehendi done when she was tying the knot. So, I have this beautiful photo of them to treasure instead. What makes this wedding special is that Rahat had made a monumental decision and had changed her plans of boarding the flight a few years back. The flight would have taken her away from Aly and lead her to a different destination if she hadnt listened to him on the morning of her flight. At that time, she had not envisioned that Aly would be her predestined groom and neither did he. A significant statement I would remember always when I had met the pair at Bella Italia was "Always tell the other person what you feel no matter what the situation". Here is cheers to this lovely couple who has made destiny their world and helped me with mine!

And finally, here is Shayan and Dilruba. I don't even remember how I first met Shayan, it was way back in school when I wore my long hair in ponytails. We had common friends and would all meet up during Eid holidays to have ice-creams at the famous "Dolce Vita". One thing that I would always remember was when Shayan was generous enough to allow the 12th graders to celebrate the prom night at his premises which was such a hit. We planned costumes for months!!! Shayan met Dilruba and in a whirwind romance got married almost the same time as I did in the city of Dhaka, so it was impossible for both of us to be attending each other's weddings. I hope them all the best for years to come!

Nothing in this world is impossible. Either it's about meeting a person we would spend the rest of our lives in the most likely or unlikely ways and places or being in a certain place in a certain time on a certain day. But that's all too intense, so for now, all I just wish that, I wish I may, I wish I might, I wish I have these friends for life!

Memoirs - Part I

A lot has happened in my life ever since last year. For starters, I am now a married woman waiting to join her husband abroad in hopefully, a weeks’ time.

Marriage to me, to begin with, never started with the things that I had in mind. There was no lighting striking or thunderbolts rolling in the sky the first time I laid eyes on my other half. Instead, I clearly remember lots of moments to be highly recommended to willing couples on the verge of tying the knot.

We took our time to decide. And finally when we did, we did not have months and months of planning phase with me dreaming of the trimmings and flourishes that would decorate my wedding day. Instead, in its place, the reception took place in a fairytale setting of a mini garden party with flowers hanging down from the trees, courtesy of my sister in law who did a better job at the decoration bit than we all did at the actual wedding. The guests were enthralled with the romantic setting and one even sighed with the beauty of the overhanging foray of flowers hanging over in a tree beneath which we sat. So, here I am, happy that I didn’t have a crystal ball like the one I had wanted, to tell me what to expect. If that was the case, I would not have been happily surprised with all that I discovered about marriage till now. Each day is like a discovery channel and I am ready to turn into a couch potato with my heart and soul fixed on seeing how it unfold more surprises and mysteries.

Here are some things that have provided a pathway to bliss.

A pair of simple gold earrings.

A plate of spinach spagetti with roasted duck certainly play a big role in us being together today.

And this strawberry drink was the one that made me realize I was allergic to strawberries. The most important thing was not the drink itself but where I had it that mattered.

The Student Diary

After attending class yesterday I found out that I have two exams coming up next week. The usual feelings of dread swamped me. I wish I didn’t have to take mathematics. I still remember my friend John warning me before I left for Bangalore. He had said

“ Marufa, whatever you do, don’t study Maths again”

Well, it’s ringing in my ears now, even after all these years. It’s something that I can not really get rid of. I have done badly in Maths ever since school but I still kept taking it; I was a bit stuck with it, depending on the type of course that I had to decided to graduate in. Would I have done better in History or arts? I guess not. Marketing is my field of expertise and for that, business maths is definitely a prerequisite. After all, sometimes in life, when we really want something, we have to make do with all the other things that come attached with it.

Yesterday while I was attending the Business Mathematics class and the faculty, in the advent of explaining about the logarithmic and exponential growth curve asked a random student.

“If I give you one Lac Taka today, what would you do with it?”

The student promptly answered “I will throw a party for my friends, sir”

The faculty, aghast, knowing that there is no way he can twist that answer into an example of a growth curve tried again by asking

“But won’t you want to save it for the future, maybe just a part of it, like let’s say; you could throw a party for 10 thousand taka and save the rest?”

The guy who seemed to have no idea where the question was leading to, clarified unduly “No sir, if you give me that much money, I would just spend it on my friends”

The faculty, not to be fazed with his answer said “Are you working”

“Yes Sir”, replied the student

“Where”, Sir continued

“Lafarge Cement”, he answered

“So are you going to buy a stock of your company soon” asked Sir, still trying to get the student back to track of the growth potential being taught in class

“No sir”, he said. “I am not into that kind of thing”

The faculty was really flabbergasted and he said “Than why are you learning for a degree in MBA if you don’t even have any business minded intentions of making profit, that’s after all, what business and investments are all about. It’s about making profit?”

“I am taking this degree course to get a better opportunity in life” the student frankly admitted. A lot of other students in the class were seen nodding their heads in agreement.

The faculty had to drive his point home. “You will require an MBA degree for better opportunity without doubt, but to maintain it, you need to be profit minded, with which you can assist the company with the profit they are trying to make and that’s when your true value at the company will be recognized”

The student was unfazed. Undoubtedly, there are thousands of such people in the country who simply intend to get a degree just because it boosts their position in the company without really thinking about how they require the knowledge in it to further their skills in profit making schemes. Or perhaps it could be a different reason. I remember embarking on the degree to learn something to use later. But, whether that was profit making or having future investment use for it later was something I hadn’t decided upon. Like the student, and perhaps a thousand other students, I wanted a backup degree with the knowledge that comes with it. And than I got a job, but that didn’t make me think of profit making either or investments.

I was just an employee. Given a task which required doing and which had a deadline. But, as experience grew, I came to realize how each of these tiny tasks formulates a bigger picture which can be termed as “Profit for the company”. I doubt how many people other than the corporate heads, people with definite task deadlines and outcome targets, people in the sales department think like that. Some really just want to go to work, complete a day’s daily mundane tasks and come home to relax, get a paycheck at the end of the month and just enjoy the weekends.

The thought that counts here is, however, from my point of view, is that everyone wants to do well. But “well” has many projections and varieties, most just want to be happy with whatever they have and are willing to put up with, and isn’t that what ultimately counts in the end?

The Diary - More than a Month Later

“Often you can see the mountain in the distance – beautiful, interesting, and full of challenges. However, when you try to reach it, what happens? It’s surrounded by roads; forests lie between you and your objective; and what seems clear on the map is far more complicated in reality. So you must try all the paths and tracks until, one day, you find yourself before the peak you intend to climb”

This is my first entry as a married woman. After the gorgeous wedding, reception and the glorious time of festivities ended; my husband left for Hong Kong after a week. And for me, life resumed back to its tranquility and monotonous routine just as it was before. The difference now is, as my friends put it, I know what my goal is, which mountain I would like to climb and which road to follow.

So, here I am again at the precipice of something I thought I had left behind. Exams and studying and a similar lifestyle to the one I had before, but now, there is a change. I have two homes and people who seem to love me and a feeling of profound peace in the knowledge of, what I call, knowledge of where my heart lie.

“The landscape changes, so make the most of it. As you climb, the view changes, and there is nothing wrong with stopping now and then to enjoy the vista. With each metre you climb, you can see a little further, so take time to discover things you have never noticed before. ”

And so, here I am, discovering my life, discovering my husband’s childhood as he spent with his family, learning, storing information and revealing in the beauty of it all.

“The distance to the top of the mountain is always greater than you think. There is bound to come a moment when what seemed close is still very far away. But since you are prepared to go still further, this should not be a problem”.

Excerpts from “Like the flowing River by Paolo Coelho”

The Count-Down Begins!

"Of all the life cycle points, getting married is the most public"- Wikipedia

The countdown begins. It's exactly 13 days to my wedding day! With the song "I believe I could fly" by R. Kelly playing in the background at this moment, my exact thoughts would definitely resemble the quote below:

"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights" Erich Segal

Cheers to 2008 and celebrating 2007!

New Year's Day is every man's birthday. ~Charles Lamb

What makes 2007 special is:

* My engagemet to Emon.

* Having the most memorable official tour to Singapore and getting a chance to meet thousands of media and Communications guru from around the world.

*Having my nephew calling me aunt (khala) ..which does sound a lot like "Tala" though.

* Seeing my younger brother being interviewed on national TV for the first time.

* Getting back in touch with my oldest school and college friends like Sania, Pinky, Gauri, Shehab, Inam and Sohana. I actually met Shehab, Inam and Sohana after 12yrs.

* New friends are always a blessing. I made some really good friends this year and came to know them pretty well like Marium, Rahat, Momita, Rozana and Rubayat.

* Attending Samina and Rob's wedding. Samina one of my oldest buddy from school days.

* Birth of Deeba, Deenaa and Babu's baby daughter, two of my closest friends from Bangalore.

* Attending the wedding of Shanu and Russell, two of my students. I had taught them Biology in Grades 5 and 6 about 13 years ago.

* Completing my MBA (Touch wood) finally after three rigorous months of continuous exams.

* Learning that life should not revolve around work as everyone at work is replaceable.

* This year marks great tidings for my friends Jobayer, Imti, Rahat and Marium for their brand new beginnings in their life.

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey

(inshallah, touch wood)

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

The most memorable Christmas celebrations were in school. My childhood memories of Christmas are numerous. I still know a few Christmas carols by heart, and on Christmas I am always in the mood of rejoicing. I remember once playing the part of one of the three shepherds in the school play; I remember the beautiful chapel in school with colored window panes and the carol singing, the candles, the beautiful nuns with their wonderful voices. Nigeria and childhood are far away but the memories remain.

One such memory makes me smile. There was a personal ritual I followed which included buying presents for my sister, mom and dad with my pocket money saved for weeks for the auspicious event of Christmas. And every year, on Christmas Eve, I would crawl out of bed silently and place all the gifts on the huge dinning table so that it would be the first thing they would get to see when they get up in the morning.

However, there was one particular year when I had run out of money after buying my parents their cards and small gifts and realized that planning for this Christmas was not as authentic as before. I needed more gifts, for my lovely elder sis. On a creative streak, I took a shoebox and filled in all the things I had that I knew my sister would like, like a colored pencil, a beautiful brand new shoelace from my pair of new shoes, a handmade notepad cut and bonded from my school exercise book and old calendar paper, a nice handwritten card, my favorite pair of hairclips and so on. Than I had used crayons to color the shoebox and wrapped it with newspaper dipped in paint. My sister was overwhelmed but she laughed and laughed when she spied something in the box. In the midst of all the tiny lovely things, there lay her ink pen which went ‘missing’ a while back. In my zest of giving a Christmas gift, I had also casually returned her the pen I had ‘found’ on her table a few weeks back and didn’t know how to return it back without looking guilty.

Every time we recall that memory, I and my sister never fail to share a laugh. This brings me back to the present Christmas much older and wiser, knowing that beyond the cloak of festivities everyone loves to celebrate the joy of living and being with loved ones. And that’s what Christmas to me is all about.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light

From now on,

our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Make the Yule-tide gay,

From now on,

our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore.

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more.

Through the years

We all will be together,

If the Fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.