Cheers to 2008 and celebrating 2007!

New Year's Day is every man's birthday. ~Charles Lamb

What makes 2007 special is:

* My engagemet to Emon.

* Having the most memorable official tour to Singapore and getting a chance to meet thousands of media and Communications guru from around the world.

*Having my nephew calling me aunt (khala) ..which does sound a lot like "Tala" though.

* Seeing my younger brother being interviewed on national TV for the first time.

* Getting back in touch with my oldest school and college friends like Sania, Pinky, Gauri, Shehab, Inam and Sohana. I actually met Shehab, Inam and Sohana after 12yrs.

* New friends are always a blessing. I made some really good friends this year and came to know them pretty well like Marium, Rahat, Momita, Rozana and Rubayat.

* Attending Samina and Rob's wedding. Samina one of my oldest buddy from school days.

* Birth of Deeba, Deenaa and Babu's baby daughter, two of my closest friends from Bangalore.

* Attending the wedding of Shanu and Russell, two of my students. I had taught them Biology in Grades 5 and 6 about 13 years ago.

* Completing my MBA (Touch wood) finally after three rigorous months of continuous exams.

* Learning that life should not revolve around work as everyone at work is replaceable.

* This year marks great tidings for my friends Jobayer, Imti, Rahat and Marium for their brand new beginnings in their life.

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey

(inshallah, touch wood)

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

The most memorable Christmas celebrations were in school. My childhood memories of Christmas are numerous. I still know a few Christmas carols by heart, and on Christmas I am always in the mood of rejoicing. I remember once playing the part of one of the three shepherds in the school play; I remember the beautiful chapel in school with colored window panes and the carol singing, the candles, the beautiful nuns with their wonderful voices. Nigeria and childhood are far away but the memories remain.

One such memory makes me smile. There was a personal ritual I followed which included buying presents for my sister, mom and dad with my pocket money saved for weeks for the auspicious event of Christmas. And every year, on Christmas Eve, I would crawl out of bed silently and place all the gifts on the huge dinning table so that it would be the first thing they would get to see when they get up in the morning.

However, there was one particular year when I had run out of money after buying my parents their cards and small gifts and realized that planning for this Christmas was not as authentic as before. I needed more gifts, for my lovely elder sis. On a creative streak, I took a shoebox and filled in all the things I had that I knew my sister would like, like a colored pencil, a beautiful brand new shoelace from my pair of new shoes, a handmade notepad cut and bonded from my school exercise book and old calendar paper, a nice handwritten card, my favorite pair of hairclips and so on. Than I had used crayons to color the shoebox and wrapped it with newspaper dipped in paint. My sister was overwhelmed but she laughed and laughed when she spied something in the box. In the midst of all the tiny lovely things, there lay her ink pen which went ‘missing’ a while back. In my zest of giving a Christmas gift, I had also casually returned her the pen I had ‘found’ on her table a few weeks back and didn’t know how to return it back without looking guilty.

Every time we recall that memory, I and my sister never fail to share a laugh. This brings me back to the present Christmas much older and wiser, knowing that beyond the cloak of festivities everyone loves to celebrate the joy of living and being with loved ones. And that’s what Christmas to me is all about.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light

From now on,

our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Make the Yule-tide gay,

From now on,

our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore.

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more.

Through the years

We all will be together,

If the Fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

A Silly Break to Rediscover Thyself

“Take a break, have a kitkat" is one of the best advertisement slogans that have stuck on through the years. Today is memorable, because today is the last day before the big final exam, the last one this year.

Short breaks are significant especially while doing monumentous tasks which exerts pressure on the braincells. How we take that break would definitely differ from one person to the other. And internet surfing has replaced a lot of usual break-time activities too like TV browsing, long phone conversations, reading magazines, manual window shopping, exercising. You name it, and the internet can be termed guilty on all accounts.

So, it comes as no surprise that I opted for a random internet surf today. I needed to do something different, something totally irrevelant to my studies, which would effectively take the pressure off for a few minutes and for another round of serious studying time. So instead of the usual checking of mails or checking the business news online. Instead, I discovered a few silly and completely bizzare personality tests online and here are the interesting results.

What color should your toe nails be? : Black

What Season are You? You Belong in Spring Optimistic, lively, and almost always happy with the world...You can truly appreciate the blooming nature of spring. Whether you're planting flowers or dyeing Easter eggs, spring is definitely your season!

How much is your life worth? : $656,500 (that’s not much with inflation rates growing higher each day. Is it?)

What Flower are You? You are a lily. You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What is your power Element? Metal and your Your power colors: white, gold, and silver. Your energy: contracting. Your season: fall. You are persistent (and maybe even a little bit stubborn).If you see something you want, you go for it.You have a lot of strength, and it's difficult to get you down. Very logical, you tend to analyze everything going on in your life.

What’s your theme Song? Your Theme song is back in Black by AC/DC "Back in black, I hit the sack,I've been too long, I'm glad to be back". Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

This is where my break would end for the day. But if you are tired of being really serious and would like a laugh. You can take some time off to try out a few whacky tests here.

"Life"

"I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended."

(Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela, born 1918, South African lawyer, statesman and 1993 Nobel Peace Prizewinner. This quote is from Mandela's inspirational 1994 book, Long Walk to Freedom.)

Mirror Mirror

"This situation won't really last for long". I consoled myself. After three weeks of continuous and rigorous strive for excellence, I shut my eyes for a moment and recalled a simple mistake asunder, made today. It was during the most significant moment of writing an exam that conscious common sense and analytical recollection escaped which would most definitely cost me at least a mark.

"If only I had circled the letter “c” instead of “a” in a multiple choice question today, if I had slept a little more to clear my brain, if I had …."and the list goes on….

Yawn, I need a few winks of sleep and I shall doze off but not before I have to look at the mirror and see...

The Guy In The Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father or Mother or Wife,

Who judgment upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

-Dale Wimbrow, 1934.

Incognito

Some people tend to normally write off whole swathes of humanity by sticking a label on them and dismissing them.

I went to a grocery shop today where a salesgirl recognized me and came up to talk but I sneezed while I stood too near to a huge shelf and immediately she said “You always have cold, don’t you?” I calmly pointed out to her that the shelf above me probably had dust and I was sensitive to dust. But she was not pacified with my answer and retorted back “but when I saw you the other day at the hospital with your mother, you were sneezing there too”. I smiled at her and told her that poor ventilated rooms have that effect on me sometimes. But even than, she still had a look of disbelief on her face. I shrugged and walked down the aisle putting grocery into my shopping cart. The shop girl and I had two chance meetings in a space of one year inbetween and she had already labeled me on health rates pertaining to two sneezes!

Huge numbers of people are judged daily, given a label and dismissed. Or simply put into neat little boxes called generalization. Did we come across people who voiced their opinions similar to this sentence?

“Want more”? No, I didn’t think you would.

Is there any remedy for this classification or should we just drift away, not paying heed because we just don’t have the time. I know for certain that if that girl at the store was someone who had meant a lot to me, I would have liked to make her understand my situation, but since I didn’t know her, I didn’t expedite a lot of time on her.

As we grow, we learn that these labels mean something that we may not want to be associated with. Furthermore, we learn that we are labeling ourselves to others with our posture, body language, and tone of voice as well as mental and physical well being.

Ego Tonic

My dad has recently been attached to a green electric bat, the kind that is used for swatting flies and mosquitos with a loud crackling noise and a flash of light. Ever since than, we can see him very happy. Today, I received a forward (see below) mail from my friend Karishma and I realized there must be something in it to describe his change of mood after the electric bat arrived in our house.

The ego does not feel good, at ease, with molehills; it wants mountains. Even if it is a misery, it should not be a molehill, it should be an Everest. Even if it is miserable, the ego doesn’t want to be ordinarily miserable; it wants to be extraordinarily miserable!

People go on and on, creating big problems out of nothing. I have talked to thousands of people about their problems and I have not come across a real problem yet! All problems are bogus — you create them because without problems you feel empty. There is nothing to do, nothing to fight with, nowhere to go. People go from one guru to another, from one master to another, from one psychoanalyst to another, from one encounter group to another, because if they don’t go, they feel empty, and they suddenly feel life to be meaningless. You create problems so that you can feel that life is a great work, a growth, and you have to struggle hard.

The ego can exist only when it struggles, remember — when it fights. And if I tell you, ‘Kill three flies and you will become enlightened, you will not believe me. You will say, ‘Three flies? There doesn’t seem to be much to that. And I will become enlightened? That doesn’t seem to be likely. If I say you will have to kill seven hundred lions, of course that looks more like it! The greater the problem, the greater the challenge...and with challenge your ego arises, soars high. You create problems. Problems don’t exist.

You don’t have any problems; only this much has to be understood. This very moment you can drop all problems because they are your creations. Have another look at your problems: the deeper you look, the smaller they will appear. Go on looking at them and by and by they will start disappearing. Go on gazing and suddenly you will find there is emptiness...a beautiful emptiness surrounds you. Nothing to do, nothing to be, because you are already that.

Don’t make unnecessary trouble for yourself. And understanding will dawn on you if you watch how you make a problem bigger and bigger and bigger, how you spin it, and how you help the wheel to move faster and faster and faster. Then suddenly you are at the top of your misery and you are in need of the whole world’s sympathy.

The ego needs some problems. If you understand this, in the very understanding the mountains become molehills again, and then the molehills also disappear. Suddenly there is emptiness, pure emptiness all around. This is what enlightenment is all about — a deep understanding that there is no problem. Then, with no problem to solve, what will you do? Immediately you start living. You will eat, you will sleep, you will love, you will have a chit-chat, you will sing, you will dance. What else is there to do? You have become a god, you have started living!

Live, dance, eat, sleep, do things as totally as possible. And remember again and again: whenever you catch yourself creating any problem, slip out of it, immediately.

Feel Great Everyday!

“Great people are those who make others feel that they too can become great”- Mark Twain.

As I stepped away from my table strewn with books and files and notes and stretched my legs shaking away the strain forming in them from inertness over the hours, I reached for my phone and decided to dial one number. The telephone number of one person in town, who I knew would be able to give me a moment’s respite from the monotony of the religiously studious moment.

And without fail, after few brief moments of banter, I felt much more energized and active, ready to take on the world by its “tail” yet again!

It’s so important to have good friends and be a good friend to others. Sometimes we falter, depending on environmental stimuli and other factors, but most of the time if we are simply joyous over the effort of listening to others, and talking to them in return; lovingly and unconditionally sharing the time, discussing just about anything, good or bad, when otherwise we could engage ourselves doing something else, than that time is highly commendable.

“There are two types of people – those who come into a room and say “Well, here I am,” and those who come into a room and say “Ah, there you are.” – Louis E. Boone.

Point to ponder: Watch out for the later, for they are the ones who would make a difference in your life. Be ready to recognize and filter them accordingly.

Fresh As a Daisy

Little girls are precious gifts like birds and brooks and streams...their hair is tied up with ribbons and bows...their hearts are tied up with dreams.

There is no greater joy than watching two favorite friends of mine tying the knot and finally giving birth to a child. Deenaa and Babu’s pretty baby girl was born on 24th of October, 2007. The days have gone by so fast, I can still remember the day when Babu, who I knew from college met Deenaa, about eight years ago and fell in love instantly. What resulted was a long courtship, proving to all the lovely couples in the world that love certainly passes the test of time.

"In the eyes of a child...there is joy, there is laughter... there is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future..."

The Road Ahead

A flurry of wonderful and memorable activities marked the past week. Following Rahat’s engagement, Sania buying a new car, Espen and Marium’s lovely birthday bash and Imti’s farewell party, my closest friend Deenaa finally gave birth to a lovely daughter three days ago.

Somehow, this time around, the good luck has enveloped the circle of people known to each other, until everyone has a good story to tell (touchwood). As Brendan keeps saying, the jinx of monotony has been finally lifted and everyone is quite excited. Imti is already in Kabul and the others are all looking forward, hopefully, to new lives abroad and new jobs while Rahat and I are busy with our wedding plans this winter.

So even as we are all looking forward to a new 2008 and towards a set of new beginnings, though it’s a little early in the day to say we all are hopeful as we sing“. Que Sera, Sera, “ Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours, to see”

Karmic Friendship

Birds of the same feather flock together. But, when the birds flock together in the midst of the most interesting situation and what could be casual turns into a close friendship, than its worth much more than just flocking together. I have been luckily blessed with good friends all my life and they are all special. But Imti is one of the most special people I had met.

I and Imti met on the dance floor on a fated New Year’s Eve almost three years ago and thus, began a friendship that evolved over the years. And now, Imti is one of my closest friends and confidante. Not only did I have the most eventful life after meeting him, but my life sparkled with few good charms too, finally culminating in the phase where I met my other half. With little twists and turns in our lives ever since, we have now simultaneously, both reached a phase where we are, in our own way, looking forward to a turn of events that will take us through substantial change in our lives.

It suddenly made me wonder, yet again, of how some people come into our life for a season, some for a reason and a few for a lifetime. This is the first time ever, that someone has apparently made a difference by being in my life for all three – season, reason and hopefully will stay a lifetime.

One thing both I and Imti have in common: Two shiny front teeth, completely surgically installed.

One thing we discovered recently: I am soon going to be his niece. (Touch wood)

"Talk the Talk"

A few months ago, during a random statement, I had blurted out unconsciously, “We could talk the talk” and than chuckled at myself, realizing that statement was made unconsciously and spontaneously and did not resemble anything I had ever learnt in prose or grammar in my life.

But now, after inadvertently coming across this statement twice already in magazines and newspapers, I realized that it is actually used all over the world, as a slang of the 65-American Subculture.

Somehow, this trend of using the phrases “talking the talk, and walking the walk” has found its way into the fashion English of today in Bangladesh just as subtly as the induction of western culture. Maheen Khan in the Daily Star Lifestyle magazine is found as quoted “But if you are a real fashion casualty then you will take it one step further. You will have to walk the walk”.

The moral of this blog entry is "It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong."- GK Chesterton.

Festive Eid Cooking

I have been berated enough the past couple of days for being tardy with my blogs. The worst thing about reuniting with a habit is that it takes a while to get back on track. The same thing prevails while sending emails to friends. Once I stop the flow and allow a brief pause to presume, it takes a while wondering and deciding what to write about and where to start.

So, on Eid day, I asked my friend Farhana and she gave me a definite clue. Eid and food! Sumptuous biryani, polao, misti and meat curries! I guess food and cooking as I presume is not quite a tale to begin with, except that Farhana said she liked the chicken curry I had prepared for Eid. Long time ago, when I was young and willful I was a terrible cook, in fact, I was no cook at all. It was an impossible feat to even boil an egg. So, when Farhana said she didn’t feel comfortable cooking an omelet I knew exactly what she meant.

But than, as the story unfolds, like Alice in wonderland, once upon a time, I finally found out I was alone on my own while in Bangalore and didn’t even know how to properly feed myself. I was hungry for home-made-food, lost, daunted and appalled. I decided to take a few courses and finally, the impossible turned into the possible. My room mate installed the music system in the kitchen and as soon as both of us would come back from work, we would head into the kitchen, turn on the music, dance, sing and cook. Voila. It was fun!

So now, whenever my mom and I cook at home and I turn on the CD player she finds it quite amusing, I find it absolutely therapeutic!

”There is no use trying”, said Alice; “one can't believe impossible things”. “I dare say you haven't had much practice”, said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast”. Lewis Carroll

An Unfinished Life

Today as I was watching the movie “An unfinished life” on HBO starring Robert Redford, Jennifer Lopez and Morgan Freeman, I was mesmerized.

Yesterday, an episode had saddened me. And somehow subconsciously, I linked the movie to the incident of the young faculty whose death was yet another result of an increasing rate of crime in the city. The young man, who just got married last year and was supposed to leave for Australia to pursue a PhD degree in February, instead, had to let go of an unfinished life!

So, I paused and wondered if there was something missing from my life. Of course there is something missing, I would like to get married and so on. There is something always missing from all our lives. Oprah says, “That’s the nature of life, that there is always something missing from it. It’s not a problem”, she says, “The reverse would be a problem, the life with nothing missing in it. The life without options, without hope, without pain, the unfinished and incomplete life is the only life”. She says “People who do not live in Paris do not live in Fiji. People who run successful businesses are unable to compose folk songs. Keep chasing the void and you loose the moment. So her theory is that there is nothing missing right now, there is everything, air and water and however your body feels and the people who love you and the people who don’t and the people who have did and the and the music and the disease and the job and the idea and the challenge and the dinner and your shoes -- there are so many things right now that there is no room for a void. There is nothing missing”.

She continues by saying that “Maybe it's the metaphor of consumerism eating our lives. Maybe it's the constant drumbeat of information from all sides with one common message: Something is missing. Government control is missing, or freedom is missing, or high colonics or adequate fiber or really great tires or true fulfillment or smart children or good drugs or safe meat or the secrets of the Pyramids or better beer or better hair or better boyfriends/girlfriends/friends”.

That’s what Oprah thinks. I think, everyone has something to search for, look forward to, and complete life with. So that when we look back, we can smile and be happy for doing all that we ever wanted to do and have everything that we ever wished for. Everyone has that right to live life to the fullest. And the truncation of such a life so abruptly is a terribly sad thing.

A Kid's Tale...

"You don't get to choose who you love, just how you love them." --Deanna R.

As I worked with small children of the ages of 4yrs for the past two days on a voluntary basis I realized how sensitive and at the same time how "tough" they can be.

Today, while I was assisting a toddlers’ group in selecting different pictorial collections of consecutive actions I observed two things. The first one is that they expect appreciation from someone they love being with and two, if they don’t get attention followed by accolades in galore, they can actually hold back an eyeful of tears, multitude expressions of dismay, hurt and disappointment flashing across their face and lodging in a place in the tiny corner of their hearts.

And just as suddenly, they can forget their woe and their needs and start afresh with sudden spurts of interest, jump into another activity, reaching for another form of appreciation.

From my point of view, it’s great to feel like a kid, enjoying life, moment by little moments.

The best compliment I received in the past 24hrs was: “You can be a substitute for a teacher but no one can be your substitute”

My Cheese Moved

Time has indeed played an ancient role in taking over, covering in its wake, a tremulous plethora of activities strewn across my path for the past two months.

Before my trip to Singapore, little did I know that I was about to venture into the world of the unknown as never seen before. Those who know the facts can tell how a series of events have awakened a fresh start and a new beginning in my life. Gone are the tiring days, the stressful moments, the long hours of work and tension creating deep furrows on my forehead, sleepless nights and moments of acute worry over work related troubles. If life had gotten more stressful I know I would have been prepared, even if working hours got longer than my usual 18hrs a day, seven days a week.

Those were my exact thoughts back than.

However, now when I look back, at the activities of the last two months, it has made me reminisce with wonder, how unknown forces have orchestrated my planned life into different and brand new vivid forms, painting colors of rainbows followed by a moment of sunshine. We can never tell how, just when we have figured out life and its pathways, a different fork in the road appears, providing an opportunity to follow a separate goal in life with a different destination. That is life as it is and its peccadilloes. What can I say?

For now, I am a happily engaged woman. Before my trip to Singapore I had no clue whatsoever about how my life will be changing over the month but it did and how!

My fiancé and I have known each other for eight months now, it was a wonder how things turned out the way it did, unfolding like a beautiful flower, after we decided that we were just right for each other everything just escalated, ending in a glorious dream-like engagement ceremony last month.

Now, that my cheese has been moved, my plans need to shift gears. And all I can say is, any change is a good change. We just don’t realize how much when it happens, but once it does, and there is time to reflect, we can only look up and thank the unknown forces for being there, watching out for us!

Eight Things You Would Hate About Me

More than a month ago, my friend Imti tagged me with the Memeaphilia. The rules are simple…Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

I have to admit that this took me a long time to decide upon. I remember when, seven years ago, I had walked in for a job interview in Marketing and the first thing I was asked was to state out my weak habits and I had replied with stark confidence, “I don’t have any!” Needless to say, I got the job.

However, this time, I actually had to take a poll from my friends to find out what they hate about me and it was more difficult than I thought it would be. Like, how difficult is it for people to just say “ oh what’s not nice about you is….”, but everyone is very nice nowadays and are more subtle than they used to be when I was in school.

So finally, after deciphering nodes, stares and smiles with a few comments, I have come up with my list.

· Habit: Whenever I am in a new place or there is a special occasion I simply have to take pictures. I remember when I was young, I had this ridiculously huge lens camera with a gigantic flash and I made people pose for hours during the occasion to the point of frustration. However, it also means I have more childhood snaps than any of my classmates.

· Habit: I tend to forget names, faces and places where people work. I tried reading a book on it to improve my memory where we were advised to associate each new face with a word or a character and than link it to the name. It worked for a while until I forgot what characters I had associated it with. I had more difficulty remembering the words and characters more than the people.

· Fact: I am a tad too confident when it comes to decision making and proving points. I would lay the foundations of such a fact emanating in my life to my honorable friends who have been terribly supportive all my life to the point of even spoiling me a bit. Whatever I ever said always “seemed” to make a little sense or I just assumed it did. Sometimes it can make me a bit independent in nature. I just try not to let it bother other’s lives. In future, however, I will have to learn how to listen, cooperate and appreciate other's thoughts while and during decision making.

· Fact: I can appear to be utterly cold and unromantic when it comes to matters of the heart. Some might even call me a bit insensitive. The good point is that its just an exterior that I use as a shield sometimes to feel less vunerable.

· Fact: I am not easily flattered. In fact, too many compliments a day could actually turn me suspicious. Sincere compliments however, is another matter altogether.

· Fact: If I do not believe in a certain cause, nothing but blind love can allow me to join it.

· Fact: I am scared of anything that borders around Scary, Freaky and Horror encompassed. All my friends that had good reasons to cajole me to watch horror movies even on the tiniest screen possible have been duly disappointed. So please think twice. It won't be worth the trouble, I swear.

And finally....the eight one...

I think I will have to do another research to find that out.

Rush Hours and Singapore Trip Ahead

It so happens that each time the clock turns 12, I sigh. Another day swishes by, and the days are going so fast its difficult to keep track of time. I am extremely busy these days, I wonder if things will get worse in the coming months at work.

I am looking forward to my trip to Singapore this weekend. I need to lay down my hair and really relax for a change. I still have thousands of things to do before my trip. As always, it all gets piled up till the end of the tenth hour.

The Money Angel

Money, money, money!

Drowning in plenty, Who can value anything. When nothing is denied? Foolish ads we all heed. Then buy things we don’t need, Driven by greed that Can’t be satisfied.

Poem by Neil Harding McAlister

Today a lot of people sent around this forward on Money Angel. After deleting it a couple of times, I finally smiled and decided to put it on my blog.

The song by BoneyM "Money Money Money" has a catchy tune and is an old time favorite. It has that word in it that rings in your ears for a long long time. (There is a word for this that escapes my mind right now). Ever since I was a tiny blob I had learnt the value of money, starting from the time I started saving up to buy a white ink whitener at the age of 7yrs.

I have learnt over the years that money addiction never goes away once it begins. We always feel that if we earn more we can save more and all that. But in reality, we realise that in our niche of the society, the more we earn, the bigger our needs get.

So the idea is to watch out for the money addiction bug and than, happy shopping!

Thinking Outside the Box

Here is a picture taken at a colleague’s wedding last week. I have been working at my present company for almost three years and I have never been happier. (Touchwood)

But career life was not always this happy. In my life, I have met people who have not been very appreciative of my presence in this world. They are the ones that provide those negative vibes that I tend to avoid. Every time one of us meets such a person, do we really sit back and reflect why these people do what they do, and why to us? In this fast paced life, I hardly have time to deal with people and their problems. But what if the problem lies with us?

The weirdest things happened to me after I got back to town and got myself a good job. Initially, people who appeared friendly, and who in fact I had known from before, suddenly besieged me into an arena filled with negative vibes that threw me off balance. I tried everything possible to get back into their acceptable books, but nothing deemed successful, not even when I remembered birthdays, wedding ceremonies and so on.

With internal objection from certain colleagues, I had several incidences that had me reduced to tears in an attempt to fit in. I had my computer wires dismantled, username on my logon address changed slightly so that I was not aware of it at moments of emergency. I have been alienated from social groups at the workplace, and when I tried being friendly I was looked upon with ironic indifference. I was talked about in whispers and I was avoided in public places.

After so many years now, after joining a new company, whenever I go back to visit my ex colleagues, not only are they really friendly but they actually are very nice. So, finally I have learnt that whatever the cause was for their initial behavior while I was working there, it was not because of who I was.

Every time we face disapproval, our instant thought is to take it personally, but over time, I have learnt that things are usually not personal. There might be an event, an occasion or a situation that could be causing this behavior from others. So, before we force ourselves to fall prey to negative feelings and self demotivation, we should try to "think outside the box".

"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." (Anne Frank, 1929-45, German Jewish diarist and holocaust victim, from The Diary of Anne Frank, entry dated 15 July 1944.)

A Rainy Day, Fever and Fond Memories

It rained heavily this morning bringing to the lives of people the respite they were seeking from the unbearable heat. Sometimes wishes do come true. Sometimes, like today, rain makes me melancholy.

When I lived in Bangalore, I would sit in my lovely balcony overlooking the garden, sipping a cup of herbal tea during weekends and reading a book. Today, however, while I stayed back home after the grueling week, I felt under the weather, and had to call in sick because I felt feverish and there was a numbing feeling in my limbs. It’s a rare incidence and it’s the time when I know that being productive is the last thing on my to-do list.

There were no unread books to soothe me today and the balcony at home is just not the same as it used to be in Bangalore. That reminded me that I needed to invest in some good books to read on my trip to Singapore after two weeks.

I have always loved traveling. I love seeing new places and I am totally comfortable being on my own. Some like company, some just love traveling for the sake of traveling. I fall in the group of the later, though having a good company would definitely make a trip even more worthwhile.

Today, suddenly I remembered my childhood Gujrati friend Pinky and wondered what she was up to these days. She was my look-alike twin back in school. We were best friends ever since kindergarten till grade six. When we parted I remember crying a lot. She had told me that she would invite me to her wedding as that was perhaps the monumental get-together occasion of all times. Back when I was young, 10 years seemed like a lifetime and parting always meant forever.

Strangely enough, she did invite me for her wedding which was over a decade ago. Now, the mother of two, she resides in London and suddenly we have reestablished contact which was surprising. She had told her hubby that she wanted to come to Bangladesh and put my picture in the papers. I did search for her on yahoo too all this time. With a stroke of good luck, she came across another contact who knew me and after one whole decade, one fine day she just called. Some day I look forward to the reunion, there will be some catching up to do.

This year, in August, another close friend from high school Samina is tying the knot and this is yet another wedding I will be missing out on. Like always, I tell myself, there will be a day, for the reunion. It’s strange how things turn out in future. People we think we shall always be in touch with somehow fades into the distance, and some people who we feel we will never meet again ends up being there forever. There is no telling how and who will be our dear ones in the journey of life. We can only cherish the friends we have right now and enjoy the times we spend with them while looking forward to those special few who come back into our lives.

Sounds Wrong but Feels Right

The most dangerous thing in this world is to live completely unconsciously. The state of the world is a stark testimony to this fact, as is the condition of the lives of most human beings. When we are not conscious, we are not only ruled by our subconscious programming, we are a puppet of the global unconscious. Now that is scary!!

We all have examples in our lives where we have created turmoil and conflict without consciously choosing to do so. Who wouldn't choose prosperity, loving relationships, vibrant health, joyful living and rewarding work? Then why are so many people suffering from poverty, painful relationships, depression, illness and unrewarding work?

Why do we create so many problems and then have to spend so much time and energy dealing with them? The answer is lack of consciousness, which links us to the cycle of karma and struggle.

Yesterday, as I was dining with my friend, she wondered aloud about why we do the things we do, and whether our lives would have been different if we didn’t do them. There is no easy answer to that question. But I believe strongly, that if we are in touch with both our conscious and unconscious minds we won’t really go wrong and nor will we ever regret not listening to our intuition either.

“Each of us can be represented as an iceberg, with the larger part of ourselves deeply submerged. And there's a place in the depths where all of our icebergs come together, a place in the unconscious where we connect with each other”

Click here for more on this article…

The Month of May

In England, first thing in the morning of May 1st, young girls ran out into the garden to wash their face in dew. An old tale says that the May dew has magic properties and anyone who washes their faces in it will have lovely complexion throughout the year.

The month of May was named after the Greek goddess called Mala. It was first called May in 1430. Before that, it was called Maias, Mai or Mayes. Let see, the month of May also marks Labor Day and May Day.

This is a significant month for me. My brother was born this month many years ago and every time I wonder about the significance of the month that’s the first thing that comes to mind.

This was a busy month in my event calendar this year. I worked 27 days at a stretch without overtime incentives or extra assistance. Now I know what the Engineers at work feel like while they work day and night. I have successfully completed more projects in a month at work than I could have possibly done in the space of three months before. I see more pressure coming up.

To keep stress at bay, I organized a birthday for my brother; discovered two café’s called Déjà vu and Red Shift in town. Went to the first café Mango restaurant in Dhanmondi following a horror movie at CinePlex, which I didn’t quite watch as I had my eyes and ears closed most of the time.

I also attended a party at Ernesto’s celebrating Celtic festivals along with my friends and a colleague’s “ holud” and wedding.

The month yesterday ended amidst terrible heat wave sweeping through the country. People are falling prey to the tremendous adverse effects of the weather merged with electricity problems. A drop of rain would most certainly relieve the suffering.

Life is a Pencil

When I was young, I used to dream of pencils that were colorful, sharpened and beautiful. No matter from which side I tried to view the pencils, I could not see the entire picture. I just saw a side of it or an angle.

I always figured life was like a pencil. When its smooth, it writes better and faster, if its hard and rough, it has its uneven edge and sharpness to it. Eventually today, out of the blue, I came across this article, and it surprised me. It was something I used to think about when I was a little girl with ponytails.

“Does life have a purpose? Does it have real meaning? Is life anything more than a brief span on earth, with nothing but eternity on either side of this physical existence? This is the question of the ages, a riddle that has challenged human beings since they came to be. Why am I here? Why do I exist? Thousands of years ago, the biblical King David wondered about the purpose of man just as we do today. EVERY ONE OF US WAS CREATED FOR A PURPOSE, BUT FEW UNDERSTAND WHAT GREAT PURPOSE IS.”

A simple incident of using a pencil to hold my long hair in place at work today reminded me of my childhood dream to write about. Mind you, I don’t think I actually have enough time to think nowadays. Take for example, something that happened a few dawns back. As I was getting to work in a rush, my finger nail broke half way through, it hurt very much. I looked around for something similar to a band aid but couldn’t. Than, I realized that my office had a first aid box with lots of band aids. So, I went to work holding my finger delicately all the way while taking extra care of not bumping my hand against anything that would trigger pain.

I got back home almost at night that day, and realized that my finger nail still sorely needed a band aid or better still, have it cut. I had bumped my finger several times during the day and each time, I winced in pain and realized I needed it to be tended and kept putting it off.

That same day, I came home in a cab, which didn't have a wiper on it. Something that you really don’t get to notice until it rains. And it rained that day, heavily, halfway home, the driver to my utter horror stuck out his head, and drove the car through a busy highway, rain pelting down his face and flying through the window and drenching me to the bone. It took almost an hour to get home safe and sound, but I was so petrified, not to mention drenched that I went home shivering with a bit more than the cold. Now, I always check if the cab has a wiper, along with other necessities before I happily agree to ride in it.

Today, I got home and reflected on how to make my situation less stressful. So far, I have listed things down that I would require changing, especially as things are looking a lot more stressful in the next few days. I don’t know if I am going to dream of pencils again tonight, but at right now, I have a pen that works and that’s a blessing.

List of Priorities

I have learnt over the years that we require maintaining a list of priorities to get ourselves organized. I started by taking notes, using post aid stamps, timer on my mobile phones and of course there is a journal, a computer timer and the stick-on board in the office filled with papers, news articles, important phone numbers, urgent notes etc.

The problem is that organizing everything into slots gets so important that it takes a great amount of time organizing the time slots itself. For a person with a high demanding time frame, it’s difficult fitting everything else into slots. Eventually, something like going to the gym for a workout gets pushed into the recesses of the folder. And what may seem high priority now, might turn out to be found on the bottom of the list later.

One way to be organized that has helped me over the years is to handle only one piece of paper only once and than to stack it in a folder with a title. Besides, writing down things that needs to be organized also helps. The only problem occurs when knowing what exactly needs to be on the high priority list for now and which one needs can be actually pushed down a little notch lower, to be dealt with, just a bit later.

Sweet Slumber

Last night, after a long while, I slept well and I actually had a dream. The dream I don’t remember but I do remember getting up refreshed, hyper energized and ready to face the world with a smiling face.

Sleep can do wonders to the body, mind and soul. Even a few years back, I could just crash anywhere with bare minimum of sleeping arrangement and under any excuse of obtaining a little Beta zone-Therapy. But one thing detrimental to a good sleep is also a good waking mechanism for me. The waking mechanism has to be slow, steady and soothing. I have a nice song for my alarm.

In my childhood days, each morning, I remember my dad coming in to switch on lights, switching off the fans and air-conditioning, removing my blanket and massaging my head, hands and feet until I opened my eyes. As I grew older, it was replaced with a light tap on my door and a voice telling me I have to get up for office.

But, mostly, I have an inborn internal biological clock. My internal clock hasn’t failed me till now. In cases when I do not have access to an alarm, I tell myself that I have to get up at the dot of seven, and whey and behold; I am up at the dot of 7am. Today, while I was browsing the internet, I found something on this topic “How to wake up on time”. The article says that internal biological clock works for those that are light sleepers, those who go to bed at the same time each day amongst other things.

Some other links that I found interesting are

How to Wake Up On Time

How to Know How Much Sleep You Need

How to Treat Insomnia

How to Sleep Better

How to Fall Asleep

How to Cope With Sleep Paralysis

How to interpret your dreams

How to Sleep Well While Traveling

How to Wake Up Without an Alarm Clock

Happens Only in Hindi Movies?

This is a statement that is analogous to any event where disbelief reigns in our real life. Take for example, where celebrating mother’s day in style brings forth tears of happiness. Or the surprise birthday party where the brother is so happy he doesn’t know how to express himself.

These were slight exaggeration from the immediate past events of my life. However, life has been busy, whose isn’t? But, with my friends in town, going through Hollywood, Bollywood and Tollywood phases in life, creating changes, depicting surprises, applauding happiness and overcoming pain, here's a peek at why we say "it happens only in hindi movies, and not English movies or Bengali movies".

Baghban : Amitabh Bachchan and Hema Malini are separated right after Holi remember Amitabh singing Holi khele Raghubeera?). They are said to be separated for six months, ie from March to September. Within that six-month period, they celebrate Valentine's Day, which falls on February 14, and karva chauth, which is usually observed in October. There is no way these two occasions could come between March and September!

Lagaan : Lagaan was shot in the late 19th century. At the time, an over in cricket used to consist of 8 balls. But in this movie, an over has 6 balls. Maybe modern cricket learnt from the movie.

Amar Akbar Anthony : Three men donate blood at the same time to the same person.

Khalnayak : The police tracks the villain from an MS Word Document screen! something that office team will be interested in)

Pyar To Hona Hi Tha : Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl,little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Raja : Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri Dixit. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call an autofill!

Guddu : Manisha Koirala and Shah Rukh Khan are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land on a glider. What a switch above sea level!

Tere Mere Sapne : Priya Gill is doing her BA. But at the bus stop, she is carrying an electrical technology thesis by B L Theraja. What an electrifying interest !

Click Here to read the poem for the day: "Anything is possible"

Wishes Do Come True

A ram is said to run very fast up a mountain and than once it's up there, it doesn't really know what to do. Either to decide whether to walk back downhill or to enjoy the view. This was a characteristic trait painted for a particular horoscope character.

My life is not akin to the galloping nature of a ram. I possess qualities akin to that of a mountain goat, treading softly and climbing slowly, munching on grass or nails as I see fit. Once atop the mountain, I pause to take a pause, and muse and enjoy the view.

But, though satisfaction at victory may seem quite the norm, there can be disappointments too. Here, the wise sayings of mother Teresa “More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones” holds true for some of my prayers, not to a huge extent though. Take for instance when I went to Katmandu. I am not saying that Katmandu is not a highly unexpected disappointment but it didn't quite meet up to what I had wished it to look like, as I saw in the photographs. The temples were interesting and Pokhra was a sensational nature's paradise so my trip to Nepal wasn't a complete loss.

But, on the other hand, take the case of my possessing a laptop into realistic view. I had wanted my own personal official laptop for so long that when I got it, I was terribly overwhelmed. I took home work with glee, placed the dainty item on my table, which previously hosted only books and stationary and looked at it for a while. I couldn’t stop smiling, grappling with the feeling of being a proud owner of such a beauty. But, interestingly enough, the joy didn't last long. The laptop was cumbersome to carry to work and back home, besides taking home office work soon became a norm. After all, they gave me a laptop, it was expected to be made use of 24/7. Initially what seemed a convenience turned into a chore. Besides, for security reasons, I was not allowed to download personal software onto office property. Until finally, exasperation forced me to get my own gadget, which, mind you, I could have done initially without waiting for an office to provide me with it.

A year ago, a friend of mine, who has lived in Dhaka all her life, was musing about going abroad and living on her own. She punched buttons on the lift of her cousin's house and wondered when she will have the keys to her own apartment. It brought back memories of my own, and Ï gave her a big sparkling smile saying "one day, amigo, you shall". And whether she will enjoy having the key to her own apartment, remains to be seen. But, than what I am saying is, that in our joyous attempt to enjoy life, we overemphasize the phrase "joy". They say, even people who live in the mountains cease to see the beauty of it after a while.

So I believe, its important to know what we wish for, think about, because it may happen and because we really were not specific and we didn’t think it through enough, we may be unhappy with what we get. But, if we are in touch with reality and are more practical about our wants and needs in life, we tend to be less disappointed.

“As we think, so shall it be“! I believe too that we have the power to manifest whatever we focus on. Like the naked soul said, Our thoughts will become our reality. “I wish everything I touched turned to gold”, etc and we all remember what happened to King Midas, right?

"There are two things to aim at in life: First, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second." Logan Pearsall Smith.

Everything happens for a Reason

I got this thought today from Karishma and realised how right it vibed with my weekend.

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. Know a good thing when you see it, and don't let it slip away. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.

''Life may not be the party we expected but we might as well dance while we re here''.

This is for all my friends whose lives are on the verge of changes, for the few who are intending to make a few changes in the coming months and are rigorously planning and to those who have found success only by waiting for the right time. For those that are wondering about taking chances and are still at the precipice of decision making phases, wondering and wondering. All I can say is, if we dont grab life by the horns now, metamorphically speaking, when shall we?

Information Overload

An article on power of writing states that “Life-based writing is one of the most reliable and effective ways to heal, change and grow. ….“Journal therapy -- the purposeful and intentional use of reflective writing to further mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health and wellness -- is an effective means of providing focus and clarity to issues, concerns, conflicts and confusions”

I have realized that if I write down a purpose in life, a wish or a plan, I usually get around to doing it. This is synonymous with a training given to us about harboring a habit of writing down what we intend to do in the next 10 years, a month, a week or in a daily activity chart. The trainer, talked to us about how, when we write something down and intend to give it a timeline of perhaps 7yrs, we are more likely to get it down before 5yrs time frame is up.

Based on this theory, I decided to write down my wish list two days back and organize my life yesterday. I gave myself a week and today I have already crossed off a few things I intended to get around to doing by the end of the week. This included working on the transport issue and to get a healthy, eat healthy plan and more organized work life amongst other things.

But, what I didn’t count on was an eclipse of common observation in the heat of self absorption and directional focused strategical energy. So absorbed was I in my “planned-out- work- load” that I dialed my own number from the land line instead of the client’s number, turned on the speaker button on my desk phone and waited. My mobile phone rang on cue; without a second thought, I reached out, picked up my mobile phone without glancing at the screen as I had my eyes on the land phone. Than, to take the situation one step further into its heights of oblivion, I answered my own mobile phone and heard my own voice speaking out on the speaker phone. And even than, I frowned, wondering why the client sounded like me without instant realization.

A split second later, red with embarrassment, hoping that my neighboring colleague won’t notice, I cut off the phone, pressed a button to remove the speaker tone and dialed my client. This time I managed the right number. I spent the rest of the morning laughing at my state of total absent mindedness.

So, next time any of you are so preoccupied with making things work, remember that the brain can take so much multitasking per minute or per second. Information, planning and organizing overload can take the brain cells on a joyride.

I don't know what others would have done in my situation but I had to make an instant remedy to such a faux pas this morning, I took a tea break and added two entire spoonfuls of sugar to re-adjust my brain cells back into normal functioning level while still chuckling to myself.

Mark Twain: "There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy and a tragedy."

Facing Reality: "Situational Immobility"

I came to work today with a cloud over my head. My finals on Capital budgeting and Net profit value backfired under the showers of deep dark clouds. It rained heavily yesterday and transportation was a bare minimal, not to say, completely scarce.

Security in mobility is a huge factor here. Though transport situation is better than it used to be many years ago, people without a proper personal vehicle is decidedly prone to accidents and mugging and zero security. My friend Imti was mugged a couple of months ago while walking back to his place, bearing on his face, an interesting cut incurred from the spectacles that was punched into his forehead. My sister, who was mugged in an expensive taxi cab and red pepper rubbed into her eyes before her mobile phone and cash was confiscated, is another good example. My brother, also falling prey to local mugging, tried a few of his learnt karate punches without avail on the gang of thieves that hailed him on a rickshaw a few months ago and took his expensive mobile phone which I had given him on his birthday. I never saw him cry ever since he was a baby until that day. My colleague, lost his 7th mobile phone to the muggers’ victory while travelling in a CNG autorickshaw, his stories now are an entertainment in the office. The list could go on. But combine insecurity of public transportation, any form, to that of heavy rain showers accompanied by life threatening hail storms we have independence brought down to a bare minimum in Dhaka city.

And thus we all live here. Trying to make the most out of life and living.

I always relied on my spiritual instincts telling me what I should do and differentiating between what to do and what not to do. So far, my instincts hadn’t failed me. Even though each time life had provided a fork in the road for me, I had happily taken the detour, enjoying the scenery along the way; each detour in life pounced upon with joy and excitement. So, yesterday was really the first time I sighed because something as monumental as attending a final exam on time had made me realize that the absence of a constant "mobility factor" has started bothering me.

As the storm ensued with heavy downpour along with lightening and thunder, I sat resigned, and looked at the sky, which was different than the usual darker pleasant atmosphere during such heavy downpour. The sky was illuminously bright with sunlight shinning through the heavy rain. I wondered if there was a rainbow somewhere. The smell of the earth was not as good as it used to be; increased pollution and open drains replacing the smell of the earth with foul smell. While I tried to enjoy the situation, which was otherwise quite exasperating, I wondered whether I could attend the Capital Budgeting exam on time. In all these years, I was finally a sad victim to the situational condition relating to transportation in Dhaka city, and even if I was, it had not galled me before.

Does this type of situation prevail elsewhere in the world? I lived in Bangalore for five years and never did I have an issue with transport or weather condition causing a transportation problem. Nor did I have to unduly worry about transport and security for that matter. Someone had asked me a few days ago why I wasn’t married when I was 19yrs. Interesting enough, it had never before crossed my mind. Would I have been happy if I had been married before? How am I supposed to know? Looking back at the best proposal that came my way back at that age, I would have been situated in Texas right now, with about a few kids, possibly with or without a career. probably with a loving partner, or probably not. Would secure transport and heavy downpour cause such a frown if I that a result of that pathway? Would there be other issues that would have plagued me, perhaps.

But since I just didn’t tread a different path to my life as the one I am on right now, there is absolutely no possibility of visualising something that could have happened or not happened. I am a realist. I know one thing. I certainly need to do something about this mobility factor; I need to get back on the track of one Capital Budgeting Course of Managerial Finance that I cannot believe I have to re-take. And, I have to definitely get my life more organized. With that thought, coupled with the quote on my calendar made me take a few notes on a few details missing on my previous schedules, one such one will now include, checking on a better transport schedule. And I need to see if a car/ the car/ our car gets fixed before the end of the week, if not, I need to get a temporary one fixed to provide me a better and more secured transport facility during this monsoon season.

“You have limited energy, focus it on the things that matter”.

My list of Phobias

“I am scared of riding on rickshaws” I said to my friend Rozana last night when I was explaining to her how dangerous those flimsy looking entrapments looked on the highway, how I was petrified of having to cross the road in them, and how I felt the rickshaw pullers were inexperienced and failed to use a certain level of common sense to prevent danger. She told me it was ridiculous to be scared and stated how she was never scared of anything except God.

Perhaps she was right. The world really isn’t really full of scary things, fearsome uncertainties, and illusionary ogres just waiting to pounce on people who are scared of them.

But I am only human, I am still terrified of certain things, I may not be amongst those scared of spiders, snakes, heights, etc, but as I sat down today and listed some of the things that do scare me I came up with quite a few.

* Accidents- Dystychiphobia.

* Crowds or mobs- Enochlophobia, Demophobia or Ochlophobia.

* Death or dying- Thanatophobia.

* Flying- Aviophobia

* Ghosts or specters- Spectrophobia.

* Spirits- Pneumatiphobia.

* Burglars or being harmed by wicked persons- Scelerophobia.

* Operation, surgical- Tomophobia.

* Speed- Tachophobia.

* Streets, crossing streets- Dromophobia.

* Storm, thunder- Brontophobia.

I didn’t find the real term for “fear of exams” on the site so if any of you find the term I would love to know what it’s called.

I have learnt that a certain level of being scared is by not knowing. The other level is by knowing how it feels, like the accident I once had when I was young, I wasn’t hurt much but the traumatic experience had instilled a fear of automobiles in general for me.

The fear of crowds originated from another childhood experience. I was about 5yrs old, traveling with my parents to a distant village in South Nigeria to visit a Bengali doctor, a friend of my dad's, who was situated in a place called Ikare Akoko. On entering the remote town, suddenly, our car was surrounded by a tribal group of dancers attired in leaves, body painted in bright colors, celebrating a local festival. They all looked happy but I was so terrified that I had cowered in the car, certain we were all going to be killed and eaten up like it's done in the movies.

The clinical cure to phobias is apparently exposure treatment, so called because the patient is exposed to the phobic stimulus as part of the therapeutic process. Another form of cure is used is called counter-conditioning (Watson, 1924). In this form, one is trained to substitute a relaxation response for the fear response in the presence of the phobic stimulus

Check out your list of phobias here.