Falgun and The Color Yellow

The first day of Falgun is marked with colorful celebration of the advent of spring. Traditionally, women wear yellow saris to celebrate this day. As the country celebrates this day with cultural shows, musical programmes and merriment welcoming spring, the fairer gender in my office today wore yellow saris and shalwar kameezes.

I looked around and realised one thing. People look good in yellow so the ad hop of childhood days "yellow yellow, dirty fellow"definitely does not hold true. I still remember how my roommate in college days had termed yellow as a happy color. She had made us buy yellow bedspreads, yellow curtains and even had a bright yellow smiley on the mirror atop the wash basin. Every morning, when I would brush my teeth the nice smiley would stare back at me making me grin. Surprisingly today I was going through an article on color symbolism and there it was, under color therapy yellow was said to “energize, relieve depression, improve memory and stimulates appetite”

The color yellow is vibrant, for those interested in such things, the yellow rose denotes Joy, Gladness, Friendship, Delight, Promise of a new beginning, Welcome Back, Remember Me, and Jealousy and "I care".

Happy Falgun Everyone!

An Angel of Confidence

I was watching TV for a change yesterday and while switching channels, I came across a movie where the actress was giving an Oscar performance with her water works. I paused to find out the reason of her grief. It appeared that the actress was playing the role of an actress on the sets and after forgetting her lines for the third time she broke down and completely lost her confidence. To add to her despair, she overheard people on the sets laughing at her inability to sound coherent. So acute was her aggravation of non performance that she shut herself in her boudoir and refused to continue with the shootings until a psychiatrist had to be fetched to boost her inspiration. I switched off the TV and sighed.

Now, this is possibly an exaggeration of any such situation but this rang a bell in my mind. A decade ago, I was a Karate student waiting to perform for my belt test and I was so nervous that I kept forgetting the “Katha” (A sequence of karate moves required to pass a belt test), until I was asked to step aside and come back later. I was aghast and I became certain that I would never get my blue belt in Karate “Wado” that day.

Backstage, a senior green belt student came up to me and passed me a bottle of water and asked me why I was hyper-ventilating. I related my problems and mentioned how I felt I should leave Karate altogether. He calmly talked to me, asking me if I liked learning Karate and how long I had practiced for the test. Eventually, somewhere along the line of conversation I realized that nothing mattered to me but the fact that I was learning karate, the test was to celebrate my knowledge in it. After a few more minutes of pep talk I walked right into the arena, gave an amazing performance and won myself a silver medal that day; along with my blue belt.

Eventually, though I did finally stop learning Karate after getting the blue belt. But, now whenever I think of winning, I realize that I can win, if only there is one person in the world who can believe that I can. And if there isn’t an angel in the room, than that angel has to be me! Life is all about feeling good about who you are, what you can do and what makes you happy. We have the power and the weapons right there, within ourselves.

But, on a side note, it’s important to accept the fact that we are not superhuman and sometimes there are moments when putting one step ahead can feel like the riskiest thing to do on earth. Here, we indeed become dependent on others for our actions. Sometimes, acceptance by others becomes such an integral part of ourselves that we forget where and when the line was established and that’s when our lives, our happiness and our destination are handed over.

We meet a lot of people in our daily life. People whose comments can change our course of life if we are not confident of our own actions, so it’s very important to connect to our inner strength in such a way that lives no space for self doubt or be careful who we hand down our scepter to. So, here I must say that we should believe in ourselves. We, and only we, are responsible for the happiness we bring to this world and into our life.

"Believe all, trust a few and do wrong to no one!"

Life and Its Rules

"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood"- Hellen Keller

Here are Cherie Carter-Scott's rules for life - also known as 'The Ten Rules For Being Human' and referenced in her book with Jack Canfield: 'Chicken Soup For The Soul' - are a map for understanding and pursuing personal development, and for helping others to understand and develop too. 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules'

Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons are specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.

Power Dressing

The right antidote to a bad day is “Power Dressing”. I got up groggy eyed and with a fat face and slowly limped to the washroom. I had slept right through a 12 hour of shut eye and through the alarm like a log. It was really cold and last night’s rain shower had turned the winter morning into an icy chilled atmosphere. I could hear the traffic on the road and the crows outside my window cawing and I grunted vaguely to myself. “This is going to be one of those days!”, "and surely, I was going to be late to work, yet again"!

Unfazed, I switched on Yanni’s musical notes to soothe me back to the land of the living, dried my hair and reached out for my best “feeling” attire on the rack while a thought passed through me, a quote.

"Dress sharply and they notice the dress. Dress impeccably and they notice the woman" – Coco Chanel,” quotes financier Sigourney Weaver to underling Melanie Griffith in the ‘80s movie classic, Working Girl.

Being noticed is possibly not my intention at work today, but feeling good about how I look does, especially when morning portrays bad luck in sign languages. I am not terribly fashion conscious as a person, not as much as others anyhow. But, whenever the disposition entitles, I reach out for my “feel good” clothes. This includes bright colors, such as red, blue, orange and yellow and anything that I know I look good in. Blacks, browns and grays were always left for the “mid-week days” when my body is in high mode of continuous activity and extra endorphins are not required. Sometimes with browns and whites, dark shades of brown lipstick and good eye makeup also assists me with extra mood lifts.

The whole idea of power dressing for me, rears its head and takes over whenever I look into the mirror and feel like screaming. It makes the D-day seem to hang like a proverbial Damocles sword over my head. The friendly, gregarious happy person that I usually am suddenly does a disappearing act and instead a dowdy alter ego stares back at me, or so it seems.

Just as my thoughts had predicted, there was excessive traffic jam, which hasn’t abated even though the Islamic festival is over. It goes without saying that I was late to work and to add to the misery of it, I left my mobile phone in the car. Even though the morning proved to be an ordeal, I was on cloud nine when I got on the lift at work. I flashed a dazzling smile to sleepy colleagues and sat down at my work table with extra vigor. So, imagine the art of Power Dressing. The whole idea being feel good, look good and stay good, throughout the day!

Perfect Rings

"If nothing ever went wrong in your life, you will never have a chance to grow stronger"

Some days are really cool while some are warm and requires the right amount of cooling agent to turn it into the right temperature. It rained last night, further cooling the skies with freshness on winter darkness showing us all that even the weather is not perfect. With the annual Islamic religious festival "the Biswa Ijtema", being held near my house it was a chore getting to work with congested traffic. Like Gabby in her article on yahoo health and fitness had said, "I felt like I was behind the 8 ball. I didn’t feel ahead or caught up on anything any more". But, this time it was not just the traffic. Even though, unlike Gabby, I thought I had my life is in more ‘control’ than ever before. Suddenly, this morning I got up and felt like a dog was chasing its tail. I felt I was going round in circles again, friends, work, time, family and even mistakes.

Yesterday, I was at a friend’s wedding held at the Radisson Hotel. It was the first exclusive Christian wedding I have attended in my life. While I watched the entire episode with avid interest and murmured the Lord’s Prayer just in time, people around me turned to stare in wonder. I nodded and smiled back at the astonished looks I received. Needless to say here, I have attended catholic schools all my life. There are some things you never forget; things such as Christmas carols or the Lord’s Prayer. The happy moments of my past has a way of making me wish I could get back in time. And for me, my African-lived school days including Christmas carols, church prayers and the morning assembly is like a constant force through memory lane . At the wedding, like Deja vu, with the past swirling around me, I was transported into a small girl again, saying the morning prayers at the school church early in the morning. If it's so easy to remember good times, however, how can I keep forgetting past mistakes, to be made over and over again? Perhaps, that shows, how like the winter skies, I am not perfect.

But after I got home, last night, like Gabby, I had a downward spiral. How can such good memories from the past bring you down so fast? This morning, after a bad night’s sleep and sweeping back and forth from the present to the past, and the past to the present with a thump, I had trouble crawling up from bed and facing 2007. So how can you get a leg up one day and not the other? Why is it that sudden pressure makes your eyeballs twitch? I stepped back and wondered whether my past was much better than my present. I shook my head with purpose, it cannot be so, the past has good times and the bad, just like my present, and with sudden flash of realization, I knew what I was doing. I was trying to shut myself off from the present tense for just a while there, making the same mistake, yet again. Like an ostrich, thinking if I can close my eyes, I would be invisible to the world. Whenever, I do that, I know there is something amiss.

So, as soon as I got to the office this morning, I made a mental note of securing my past tense with nice memory strings to be opened only to cherish and smile and not to have a tranquilizing effect the next day.

Firm decisions made, like Gabby, I am taking a step backwards today and asking myself how I could better deal with things to make a head start in all directions. It's nice to dwell on memory lanes for a while, but running in circles with major issues do not help unless if it's in the rectification of a cause. I need to break out of the past circles and head start out in a tangent. Life isn't perfect and neither am I, so why do I keep trying to make it all just so? Trying to be perfect is nice, but only when it doesn't push mental pressure into a crescendo, thus making us want to jump on a time machine and live on a different planet. And why am I trying to live a perfect life now? After all, like Gabby says, there is no finish line and the lines are not always smooth; no one is perfect, we have to notice the beauty of imperfection in the circle of life and live with the people within.

A Similar Perspective

Today, for the second time I came across the wonderful article written by Ms. Iffat Nawaz, in the lifestyle magazine under the title of "Circles".

I am a fan of Ms. Nawaz's writings. This particular article was special because it had made me smile once in November 2006 when the writing was published and the effect had lasted for a while. I had every intention of keeping a copy of the article but somehow the moment passed. But today, I suddenly recalled that article and realised how it matched the phase in my life. So I searched for it and thanks to the efficient website control by Daily Star, there it was. While I read it once more, it made me smile, yet again. And so, finally, I have decided to add it to my blog.

“And who am I to them?” I wondered. Every group we belong to, how different are we, and which persona do we pull out to belong? I wondered how, in a social circle we represent and bring in something from our superficial or intimate selves to belong, a part of ourselves that might not define us fully but enough for us to be comfortable and to add something to that niche, something valuable even if temporary.

Like a cliché, I remember being younger when all I could be was myself, and myself only, and I had my friends who knew me to be myself and myself only. Now I have come far, a long way, grown, and diminished.

A Boat Trip

"You Don't Have to See the Must-Sees" - Pauline Kenny

When we start something new and it’s a roaring success, we cannot stop doing it over and over again. Take a non-materialistic approach to travel. The travel experience is for us to enjoy, not for us to recount later to friends.

The best thing about traveling is to have the freedom and the choices. There is nothing like it. Everyone's interests are different, but we find that some of the best travel experiences come from following the same interests we pursue in everyday life. At home, most days include a coffee and some social contact at our local coffee shops; finding a favorite café, restaurant or tea rooms near our neighborhood.

So likewise, I needed some stress free entertainment and now I think I just over-did it this winter. As January silently rolls in February of this year, it comes with changes in seasons. As ‘daily star’ columns on weather mentioned how the “seasons in Bangladesh always had a mind and a pace of its own. This year is no different. One day it is too foggy to see beyond the next streetlight and the next day the sun is blazing down while you walk down the road. If you're bundled up at daybreak, chances are you've turned on a fan by the end of the day. And it is a time to take extra care so that you don't catch a seasonal bug”. I have interestingly caught the bug but that hadn’t stopped me from enjoying a short trip yet again. Regardless of the bugs and the changes in weather however, this is undoubtedly the best time of the year for short day trips and vacations for anyone.

After my friend’s wedding, and my parents’ anniversary celebrations, work and study pressure, I bravely ventured out on a boat trip yesterday through Contic Travels. This was something I have wanted to do for the last two years but didn’t quite have the time. We were given a boat called the Fleche D’or. This is a ‘Panshi’ type of boat, which was used a few thousand years ago for rowing races between villages. They were broadened later, without loosing any of their very original elegance. The travel took us from Savar to Noyarhat and back on the Doleshwari, through the famous Buriganga River under the Gaptoli Bridge on a half day tour.

The trip which had initially started out quite small with just me and Mukda from work planning it, finally expanded and ramified in proportions until our bosses from work joined in with friends and families; finally we had to fight back willing participants to keep the number down.

What I have realized while planning this trip was simple and straight, stuff like good planning is significant and rare. If it’s excellent planning, you far exceed your own expectations. A successful trip is not just successful on its own, or just by having a bunch of people on it. Here are some hints to make it better.

* If you have a tour plan, stick to it. * Be in a great place instead of a not-so-great place. Don't assume that one trip will be as good as the last one, so do your research, read the reviews, talk to people who have followed the same trail and find a place that other people have liked.

* Keep enough time in hand for planning; give a deadline to people willing to join in. * Organize everything at least a week in advance, including reliable transport, food, fun and entertainment. Find out what is being supplied and what you need to take along with you. Let this be a different trip than others. Make it special for everyone. * Involve people in the same group or who have similar personalities and characteristics to induce maximum relaxation and level of comfort. * Take lots of fluids and make sure there is access to a washroom on the way or around if required. * Keep good supplies of food. Good food makes a trip worthwhile. Munchies can come in various forms, for boat trips; try nuts, Pringles, dry cakes and perhaps sandwiches. Chocolate bars can come in handy. Do not take squishy fruits or oily snacks. * Take your camera along and dress comfortably.

Not all expensive trips are great trips. Sometimes occasional trips, planned diligently, turn out to be quite delightful tours. Do make your trip memorable and wonderful. Look forward to it, plan it and do it. Travel on short, long or weekend tours and do something that allows you to see sights and centers around what means the most to you, personally; so that when you return home, you cannot wait to start organizing the next trip!

A Grandiose Wedding

..........I just got back from a friend’s pre-wedding ceremony in Chittagong. Try as I may, I could not get the glorious feeling of being in a different planet for two days out of my head. This was perhaps, the best wedding I have attended in a long time ever since my sister's wedding two years ago. My friend Meera's wedding in Sri Lanka five years ago was also very memorable. Set in a fairy tale theme with live ocean as a backdrop for the festivities, lots of candles, lighted pots in the form of lamps, everyone dancing salsa to spanish songs and the following day; friends of the esteemed bride and groom were carted away to Blue Waters, a beautiful resort outside Colombo.

Even though, I personally prefer small wedding, I cannot deny that the greatest thing about this wedding was the grandeur, the lights, the beautiful people and the wonderful music. Music is therapeutic. I listened to it, all the way in the car as we traveled to our destination, which took about six hours, and than at the dance rehearsals that took place all day and night for two entire days, at the pre-wedding ceremony and finally all the way back home. I felt like being an observer on the sets of a famous Bollywood movie featuring a wedding complete with lights, film and action!

Wedding ceremonies are a profound way to seal a marriage. As I watched the groom sitting quietly in traditional form of submission while hundreds of people splattered the traditional turmeric on his entire face and fed him hundreds of spoonfuls of homemade sweets I realized that custom is one thing that binds a person to their promises. Either it’s the church marriage, or the registry marriage or the traditional Bengali wedding, it’s a subtle sign of getting a person mentally prepared for the vows they take.

However, there are exceptions. Quiet weddings with a few close friends and handful relatives are quite popular too and a personal favorite of mine. No matter how a couple decides to bind themselves to each other in holy matrimony, either it’s a famous wedding in an aeroplane, a yatch, or a great venue selection where the groom alights at the wedding scene in a helicopter, or where the bride-to-be performs rituals to remove a curse in the natal charts before her actual marriage; it’s a step forward, a dedication made and a new change to life’s journey. People getting married, likes to mark this special day with an unique way of celebrating it.

Undoubtly, the best wedding stories I have heard about real live people I know would be one where girl meets boy, secretly likes each other without voicing their feelings, meets again after 16years under completely different circumstances and than gets married within a week, realizing that the feelings shared by them in the past was mutual. That would be the wedding story of my ex-colleague Anita and her hubby. The latest one, heard at this recent wedding would be of Shaker and his wife where, girl meets boy in kindergarten, parents move into the same neighborhood, boy tells girl he loves her in Grade 3, they grow up together, study together, start dating and than finally get married. Or the story of two of my friends, Faria and Mahmud who got married over the phone after continuing a long distance relationship for several years. So, its true that long distance relationships do exist, its true that if you ever liked someone there is a good chance that you will end up with that person if destiny has planned it for you and its also true that childhood friends make the best life partners.

So, you will know yours is a rare match made in heaven when you have your own story of tying the knot being written in your friend’s blog or have your friends relate the story of your wedding to their grandchildren and their friends for many years to come.

But how do you know when the time is right? Is it peer pressure? Should you listen to your biological clock? Should you listen to your parents whining in your ears day in and day out because they are in a hurry to see you settled? Out of all the options for getting married, including love and security, the best one I heard from a happily married couple this weekend was “ when you feel you have so much in you that you want to share your time, space and your life with someone; you will know its time to tie the knot”!

Check out some myths of marriage from: http://marriage.about.com/cs/myths/a/marmyths.htm

MYTH: Loneliness Myth that marriage will end our loneliness. REALITY: Many married people are still very lonely.

MYTH: Fulfillment Fallacy which makes us believe that being married makes us complete human beings. REALITY: A couple complements one another, not completes one another.

MYTH: Marriage makes people happy. REALITY: We can't expect our spouse to be our one source of happiness. Our personal happiness must come from within ourselves. Marriage can complement our own individual happiness but it can't be the primary source.

Start Somewhere…

The best verse hasn’t been rhymed yet, The best house hasn’t been planned, The highest peak hasn’t been climbed yet, The mightiest rivers aren’t spanned; Don’t worry and fret, faint-hearted, The chances have just begun For the best jobs haven’t been started,

The best work hasn’t been done. - Breton Braley

We may be having lot of plans and ideas and sometimes we wait for the right time. We also wait for getting the right resource. There are also occasions where we are waiting for the right person. This approach may have good intention and we may want to do the job perfectly. However, if we take this principle too far, we will loose valuable time. We need to understand that any action, if not done at the right time, will not produce the right result.

Many of us may also suffer from the ‘perfectionism syndrome’ where we decide choosing between either doing a thing perfectly or not doing at all. There is nothing wrong in wanting to do a thing well. But that is different from wanting to do it perfectly. Sometimes, we may use this mindset and tendency to delay things and using this as an excuse for our procrastination. Or, if the job or task on hand is unpleasant, we delay giving some reason or excuse.

Today, take a piece of paper and list all the projects that are pending with you at this point of time and against each item write down one convincing reason why you are delaying the same. You have to do this exercise true to your conscience. At the end of the exercise, feel how you feel!

You can do it today.

A Memorable Birthday - 9th Jan

The road to change is in creating a shift in the way we think. During the course of our lives, the way we talk, the way we move and hold our body, the way we think and talk leads a person to have a vague conclusion about what and who we are.

Whatever the cause might be, we cannot change what we are born with, our genes take us one step further into a signature of our being, etched with significance. We than, happily take it from there. We shape and mold our life into what we want it to be and in some cases, what others want it to be. Each year brings us something new, each birthday gives us the yardsticks to compare and contrast the quality of life we have led. Some celebrate this auspicious day and some don’t.

I have my own way of denoting and celebrating this day; this day when I was blessed with life. I was always big on birthdays, to the extent that if anyone else didn’t celebrate it I would look at them with gaping wonder. I loved having big parties, wearing those party hats and blowing those candles with eyes shut tight, making that one special wish that I would want so fervently to come true that year.

Till today, I don’t know if any of my wishes made while blowing those candles on my cake have come true. I never remembered them, nor wrote them down. But my life has been good and that’s one thing that beats any wish. This year, the tables turned. Someone else wished for me on my birthday asking God to fulfill my reason for living on this planet. Well, that was nice, because I don’t think I ever wished like that for myself ever in my life. This birthday at 12am, my family members trouped in with gifts and a cake. I felt good, I felt I belonged and most of all, I felt loved. Even my nephew handpicked a birthday present for me with ‘love’ etched on it.

The feeling was euphoric; imagine my surprise when someone I knew just for a month called me up right at the time of my birth that night? Was that a sign that this is going to be a significant year of my life? Isn’t every year significant if only we believe it to be? I am a person who believes in karma, but I also believe in actions, so I shall plan until all my dreams come true, and if they don’t, I shall believe there is a certain reason for it not to be.

This birthday was all about ESP. My ex intern Julia called me after two months on my birthday without knowing about it. She said she awoke thinking about me. I laughed and told her it was my birthday. Strangely enough, two months back in November I did the same thing on her birthday. Secondly, my friends gave me a surprise party in the same place I was intending to invite them to. It was a combo birthday treat where for the first time ever, I cut a cake with another person whose birthday almost coincides with mine. Paul was born on the 11th of Jan.

I awoke on the dawn of 9th to another long distance birthday wish which included the call of one special friend who calls to wish me every birthday without fail.

And this time, my birthday celebration spilled over the next day with a treat for my colleagues.

So, another year and another momentous yardstick etched in my life. My wish for everyone in the world is to capture every moment however small and celebrate it as “the golden moments in the stream of life rush past us, and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone” George Eliot.