Incognito

Some people tend to normally write off whole swathes of humanity by sticking a label on them and dismissing them.

I went to a grocery shop today where a salesgirl recognized me and came up to talk but I sneezed while I stood too near to a huge shelf and immediately she said “You always have cold, don’t you?” I calmly pointed out to her that the shelf above me probably had dust and I was sensitive to dust. But she was not pacified with my answer and retorted back “but when I saw you the other day at the hospital with your mother, you were sneezing there too”. I smiled at her and told her that poor ventilated rooms have that effect on me sometimes. But even than, she still had a look of disbelief on her face. I shrugged and walked down the aisle putting grocery into my shopping cart. The shop girl and I had two chance meetings in a space of one year inbetween and she had already labeled me on health rates pertaining to two sneezes!

Huge numbers of people are judged daily, given a label and dismissed. Or simply put into neat little boxes called generalization. Did we come across people who voiced their opinions similar to this sentence?

“Want more”? No, I didn’t think you would.

Is there any remedy for this classification or should we just drift away, not paying heed because we just don’t have the time. I know for certain that if that girl at the store was someone who had meant a lot to me, I would have liked to make her understand my situation, but since I didn’t know her, I didn’t expedite a lot of time on her.

As we grow, we learn that these labels mean something that we may not want to be associated with. Furthermore, we learn that we are labeling ourselves to others with our posture, body language, and tone of voice as well as mental and physical well being.

Ego Tonic

My dad has recently been attached to a green electric bat, the kind that is used for swatting flies and mosquitos with a loud crackling noise and a flash of light. Ever since than, we can see him very happy. Today, I received a forward (see below) mail from my friend Karishma and I realized there must be something in it to describe his change of mood after the electric bat arrived in our house.

The ego does not feel good, at ease, with molehills; it wants mountains. Even if it is a misery, it should not be a molehill, it should be an Everest. Even if it is miserable, the ego doesn’t want to be ordinarily miserable; it wants to be extraordinarily miserable!

People go on and on, creating big problems out of nothing. I have talked to thousands of people about their problems and I have not come across a real problem yet! All problems are bogus — you create them because without problems you feel empty. There is nothing to do, nothing to fight with, nowhere to go. People go from one guru to another, from one master to another, from one psychoanalyst to another, from one encounter group to another, because if they don’t go, they feel empty, and they suddenly feel life to be meaningless. You create problems so that you can feel that life is a great work, a growth, and you have to struggle hard.

The ego can exist only when it struggles, remember — when it fights. And if I tell you, ‘Kill three flies and you will become enlightened, you will not believe me. You will say, ‘Three flies? There doesn’t seem to be much to that. And I will become enlightened? That doesn’t seem to be likely. If I say you will have to kill seven hundred lions, of course that looks more like it! The greater the problem, the greater the challenge...and with challenge your ego arises, soars high. You create problems. Problems don’t exist.

You don’t have any problems; only this much has to be understood. This very moment you can drop all problems because they are your creations. Have another look at your problems: the deeper you look, the smaller they will appear. Go on looking at them and by and by they will start disappearing. Go on gazing and suddenly you will find there is emptiness...a beautiful emptiness surrounds you. Nothing to do, nothing to be, because you are already that.

Don’t make unnecessary trouble for yourself. And understanding will dawn on you if you watch how you make a problem bigger and bigger and bigger, how you spin it, and how you help the wheel to move faster and faster and faster. Then suddenly you are at the top of your misery and you are in need of the whole world’s sympathy.

The ego needs some problems. If you understand this, in the very understanding the mountains become molehills again, and then the molehills also disappear. Suddenly there is emptiness, pure emptiness all around. This is what enlightenment is all about — a deep understanding that there is no problem. Then, with no problem to solve, what will you do? Immediately you start living. You will eat, you will sleep, you will love, you will have a chit-chat, you will sing, you will dance. What else is there to do? You have become a god, you have started living!

Live, dance, eat, sleep, do things as totally as possible. And remember again and again: whenever you catch yourself creating any problem, slip out of it, immediately.

Feel Great Everyday!

“Great people are those who make others feel that they too can become great”- Mark Twain.

As I stepped away from my table strewn with books and files and notes and stretched my legs shaking away the strain forming in them from inertness over the hours, I reached for my phone and decided to dial one number. The telephone number of one person in town, who I knew would be able to give me a moment’s respite from the monotony of the religiously studious moment.

And without fail, after few brief moments of banter, I felt much more energized and active, ready to take on the world by its “tail” yet again!

It’s so important to have good friends and be a good friend to others. Sometimes we falter, depending on environmental stimuli and other factors, but most of the time if we are simply joyous over the effort of listening to others, and talking to them in return; lovingly and unconditionally sharing the time, discussing just about anything, good or bad, when otherwise we could engage ourselves doing something else, than that time is highly commendable.

“There are two types of people – those who come into a room and say “Well, here I am,” and those who come into a room and say “Ah, there you are.” – Louis E. Boone.

Point to ponder: Watch out for the later, for they are the ones who would make a difference in your life. Be ready to recognize and filter them accordingly.

Fresh As a Daisy

Little girls are precious gifts like birds and brooks and streams...their hair is tied up with ribbons and bows...their hearts are tied up with dreams.

There is no greater joy than watching two favorite friends of mine tying the knot and finally giving birth to a child. Deenaa and Babu’s pretty baby girl was born on 24th of October, 2007. The days have gone by so fast, I can still remember the day when Babu, who I knew from college met Deenaa, about eight years ago and fell in love instantly. What resulted was a long courtship, proving to all the lovely couples in the world that love certainly passes the test of time.

"In the eyes of a child...there is joy, there is laughter... there is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future..."

The Road Ahead

A flurry of wonderful and memorable activities marked the past week. Following Rahat’s engagement, Sania buying a new car, Espen and Marium’s lovely birthday bash and Imti’s farewell party, my closest friend Deenaa finally gave birth to a lovely daughter three days ago.

Somehow, this time around, the good luck has enveloped the circle of people known to each other, until everyone has a good story to tell (touchwood). As Brendan keeps saying, the jinx of monotony has been finally lifted and everyone is quite excited. Imti is already in Kabul and the others are all looking forward, hopefully, to new lives abroad and new jobs while Rahat and I are busy with our wedding plans this winter.

So even as we are all looking forward to a new 2008 and towards a set of new beginnings, though it’s a little early in the day to say we all are hopeful as we sing“. Que Sera, Sera, “ Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours, to see”

Karmic Friendship

Birds of the same feather flock together. But, when the birds flock together in the midst of the most interesting situation and what could be casual turns into a close friendship, than its worth much more than just flocking together. I have been luckily blessed with good friends all my life and they are all special. But Imti is one of the most special people I had met.

I and Imti met on the dance floor on a fated New Year’s Eve almost three years ago and thus, began a friendship that evolved over the years. And now, Imti is one of my closest friends and confidante. Not only did I have the most eventful life after meeting him, but my life sparkled with few good charms too, finally culminating in the phase where I met my other half. With little twists and turns in our lives ever since, we have now simultaneously, both reached a phase where we are, in our own way, looking forward to a turn of events that will take us through substantial change in our lives.

It suddenly made me wonder, yet again, of how some people come into our life for a season, some for a reason and a few for a lifetime. This is the first time ever, that someone has apparently made a difference by being in my life for all three – season, reason and hopefully will stay a lifetime.

One thing both I and Imti have in common: Two shiny front teeth, completely surgically installed.

One thing we discovered recently: I am soon going to be his niece. (Touch wood)

"Talk the Talk"

A few months ago, during a random statement, I had blurted out unconsciously, “We could talk the talk” and than chuckled at myself, realizing that statement was made unconsciously and spontaneously and did not resemble anything I had ever learnt in prose or grammar in my life.

But now, after inadvertently coming across this statement twice already in magazines and newspapers, I realized that it is actually used all over the world, as a slang of the 65-American Subculture.

Somehow, this trend of using the phrases “talking the talk, and walking the walk” has found its way into the fashion English of today in Bangladesh just as subtly as the induction of western culture. Maheen Khan in the Daily Star Lifestyle magazine is found as quoted “But if you are a real fashion casualty then you will take it one step further. You will have to walk the walk”.

The moral of this blog entry is "It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong."- GK Chesterton.

Festive Eid Cooking

I have been berated enough the past couple of days for being tardy with my blogs. The worst thing about reuniting with a habit is that it takes a while to get back on track. The same thing prevails while sending emails to friends. Once I stop the flow and allow a brief pause to presume, it takes a while wondering and deciding what to write about and where to start.

So, on Eid day, I asked my friend Farhana and she gave me a definite clue. Eid and food! Sumptuous biryani, polao, misti and meat curries! I guess food and cooking as I presume is not quite a tale to begin with, except that Farhana said she liked the chicken curry I had prepared for Eid. Long time ago, when I was young and willful I was a terrible cook, in fact, I was no cook at all. It was an impossible feat to even boil an egg. So, when Farhana said she didn’t feel comfortable cooking an omelet I knew exactly what she meant.

But than, as the story unfolds, like Alice in wonderland, once upon a time, I finally found out I was alone on my own while in Bangalore and didn’t even know how to properly feed myself. I was hungry for home-made-food, lost, daunted and appalled. I decided to take a few courses and finally, the impossible turned into the possible. My room mate installed the music system in the kitchen and as soon as both of us would come back from work, we would head into the kitchen, turn on the music, dance, sing and cook. Voila. It was fun!

So now, whenever my mom and I cook at home and I turn on the CD player she finds it quite amusing, I find it absolutely therapeutic!

”There is no use trying”, said Alice; “one can't believe impossible things”. “I dare say you haven't had much practice”, said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast”. Lewis Carroll

An Unfinished Life

Today as I was watching the movie “An unfinished life” on HBO starring Robert Redford, Jennifer Lopez and Morgan Freeman, I was mesmerized.

Yesterday, an episode had saddened me. And somehow subconsciously, I linked the movie to the incident of the young faculty whose death was yet another result of an increasing rate of crime in the city. The young man, who just got married last year and was supposed to leave for Australia to pursue a PhD degree in February, instead, had to let go of an unfinished life!

So, I paused and wondered if there was something missing from my life. Of course there is something missing, I would like to get married and so on. There is something always missing from all our lives. Oprah says, “That’s the nature of life, that there is always something missing from it. It’s not a problem”, she says, “The reverse would be a problem, the life with nothing missing in it. The life without options, without hope, without pain, the unfinished and incomplete life is the only life”. She says “People who do not live in Paris do not live in Fiji. People who run successful businesses are unable to compose folk songs. Keep chasing the void and you loose the moment. So her theory is that there is nothing missing right now, there is everything, air and water and however your body feels and the people who love you and the people who don’t and the people who have did and the and the music and the disease and the job and the idea and the challenge and the dinner and your shoes -- there are so many things right now that there is no room for a void. There is nothing missing”.

She continues by saying that “Maybe it's the metaphor of consumerism eating our lives. Maybe it's the constant drumbeat of information from all sides with one common message: Something is missing. Government control is missing, or freedom is missing, or high colonics or adequate fiber or really great tires or true fulfillment or smart children or good drugs or safe meat or the secrets of the Pyramids or better beer or better hair or better boyfriends/girlfriends/friends”.

That’s what Oprah thinks. I think, everyone has something to search for, look forward to, and complete life with. So that when we look back, we can smile and be happy for doing all that we ever wanted to do and have everything that we ever wished for. Everyone has that right to live life to the fullest. And the truncation of such a life so abruptly is a terribly sad thing.

A Kid's Tale...

"You don't get to choose who you love, just how you love them." --Deanna R.

As I worked with small children of the ages of 4yrs for the past two days on a voluntary basis I realized how sensitive and at the same time how "tough" they can be.

Today, while I was assisting a toddlers’ group in selecting different pictorial collections of consecutive actions I observed two things. The first one is that they expect appreciation from someone they love being with and two, if they don’t get attention followed by accolades in galore, they can actually hold back an eyeful of tears, multitude expressions of dismay, hurt and disappointment flashing across their face and lodging in a place in the tiny corner of their hearts.

And just as suddenly, they can forget their woe and their needs and start afresh with sudden spurts of interest, jump into another activity, reaching for another form of appreciation.

From my point of view, it’s great to feel like a kid, enjoying life, moment by little moments.

The best compliment I received in the past 24hrs was: “You can be a substitute for a teacher but no one can be your substitute”