Fatherhood in the New Millenium

"Good fathering is hard work, but the most important kind of work men can do "(Pickard, 1998).

Here is Tashfiq Rahman, born on Oct 2006, weighing 6 kilos. Father’s email after the delivery was: “Women go through a lot to give birth to a new life. My respect for women went even higher and no relationship compares to motherhood “.

I received this wonderful picture from my ex-colleague, a picture taken with his three month old son, on a balcony, overlooking the city. The picture was well taken. With my inherent speculative nature my first impression regarding the shot was of a father ready to protect and bless a son who is soon to grow and adapt to the world he is born into, to life and its changes. It appeared that this dad here will make it easy for the little one all the way. (Though the real story behind the scene made me laugh out loud, for it was as far from my imagination as deemed possible).

As observed lately, I realized how involved fathers are with their children’s upbringing these days. Men are surely taking more interest in this new millineum in the upbringing of their children as opposed to earlier days. This is good news for the next generation because numerous studies have emphasized that fathers' availability and involvement reduce aggressive behavior in boys. Meaningful paternal involvement also improves the well-being of younger children. Fathers' expressiveness and intimacy with their children appear to have the greatest long-term implications for children's development'. Read more on fatherhood at :

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/smp9/parent_education/fatherhoodlessons15.htm

My heartfelt wishes today is to fatherhood, through a poem dedicated to the new fathers of the year and would-be fathers for the following year. Here's to christmas spirit and parenthood.

A Father's Prayer

Lord I'm askin’ for Your help, To raise my newborn son, Give me strength and guide me, ‘Cause I know that You're the one..

That sent this angel to me, A little heaven here on earth, For now I know my place in life... I'm no longer who comes first.

Once I had no answer, As to why it is I'm here, But when I looked into my baby's eyes.... It all became so clear.

This little bit of heaven Owns me, heart and soul, And it's You that sent him to me, A greater love I'll never know.

So take these rugged hands of mine, Help me to understand, Just what it is I need to do, To raise this little man.

My nephew: Marfiq Abdul Haque at birth with his proud father

Christmas Ahead

Christmas is just around the corner! This morning, I received a great snapshot from my sister and the king of our abode and a piece of my heart, my only Nephew Marfiq! He appears terrified of the rosy faced, red attired, gift bearer at his school. The picture reminded me of my younger days in Africa, where Christmas Father was darker and had a scary booming voice. Unlike my nephew however, I was always awed with his appearance and was often delighted whenever he appeared with gifts providing us all with an ingrained belief in reindeers and wishes coming true.

So, now that I am back to being a kid again, "what would I like for Christmas"? I asked myself. This morning saw me in high spirits, which I feel is a waste if I don’t celebrate. The quote on my calendar made me smile as it read “It’s good to be a better person, but don’t give up the goodness of the person you already are by treating yourself first”. Mind made up, I have decided to celebrate Christmas from Today…after all, who saw tomorrow?

This world could always be a better place to live in. Good high spirits always make us feel invincible and we should nurture it whenever we are lucky to have them. The Taxi driver, who brought me to work this morning, spent the entire trip to office telling me how his wife left him and a 9 month old baby to go off to Canada with her mom. Estrangement, loneliness, hurt and betrayed was his exact feelings. I fell for the tale, tipped him profusely and advised him to take heart and be patient and have faith in his wife to come back and take him there with her. At some point during his tale, I was not quite sure whether he was more interested in getting back with his wife or migrating to Canada with her. Anyways, let’s not be critical here, at least he was happy enough when he dropped me off while thinking of getting reunited.

After all, Christmas is almost here….!

I am celebrating the first day “towards Christmas” by having lunch at Pizza hut with two great people, my friends Tanmi and Imteaz. So, while I celebrate my first day to the 2006 Christmas, I wish you all a “Merry Christmas” in advance too!

A Noble Cause

Professor Mohammad Yunus in his speech at the Nobel Prize award has made us proud.

Here’s some excerpts from his speech that I really liked.

“Human beings are a wonderful creation embodied with limitless human qualities and capabilities. Our theoretical constructs should make room for the blossoming of those qualities, not assume them away. A human being is born into this world fully equipped not only to take care of him or herself but also to contribute to enlarging the well being of the world as a whole”…

“We create what we want, or what we don’t refuse. ….We wanted to go to the moon, so we went there. We achieve what we want to achieve. If we are not achieving something, its because we have not put our minds to it. We create what we want”…

“What we want and how we get to it depends on our mindset…”

Recently, a person I came across at a voluntary organization had problems which she felt she couldn’t get out of. She was depressed, pessimistic and totally at the end of her tethers. By listening to her, I realized one very important issue. She had more academic qualifications than I had at the moment and she could do something that I have always wanted to do.

So I told her, "If I was in your shoes dear, I would have got out of town where there there is no potential for growth and see which part of the world needs me".

For me it was just a passing idea but she took it up on a whim. She took trouble to browse the internet, applied for some of the programs being offered and applied accordingly. It took more trouble than she thought it would. But…

Not only did she receive an invitation from USAID Dhaka Mission to attend an International course on "Making decentralization work: Tools for policy makers and managers", which took place in "Harvard School of Public Health" but her presentation was recognized as being unique by the professors there. She spoke on "how the donors are creating problems in developing countries and wasting donors money". Her presentation was applauded for being unique and informative as this issue in an international forum and getting special attention will bring a change in the policy level in the coming days and will help the donors communicating with each other before committing funds for Bangladesh, the needy people will be addressed properly with donors valuable money.

Presently Dr. Rupa is tremendously successful, positive and highly motivated as a person.

The point here is, there are opportunities everywhere, we just don’t see them but they are there. So, next time you think you can’t get out of a situation because its too stifling, check out the options and change your mindset. Ask friends for their feedback and ideas. You never know, they might come up with an idea that you never could have thought of and it might change your life.

Hurray to Dr. Yunus in receiving the Noble Prize and changing the lives of thousands of people! We need more people like that in this world!

A dream

I am adding a recent dream seen on 3^rd dec which was so vivid that it etched itself in my mind. While I was browsing the forthcoming horoscope idly today I came across a pattern that was hard to miss. Here’s my dream followed by the horoscope prediction and you will surely find a connection.

The moon was full and bright and shining in the midst of inky purplish blue in the sky. I was on the deck, looking out. The ripples where the ship cut across the sea was hypnotizing. I was out on a mission. The journey stretched for days, until there was a calm lassitude amid the people on board.

My eyes saw nothing but deep dark sea water, my heart was heavy and my mind was blank. I was shrouded in misty clouds of nothingness. It was a place where nature touched its soft fingers around, threading through and swirling my hair out, my face glowing and tearless. With my arms resting on the beautiful balustrade on the top deck, the wooden floor glimmered with expensive polish and my mind wandered, beyond the phase of my life. The sunset that I had seen was spectacular, but now there was only a soft enveloping darkness. “How long will the journey last”? I wondered.

Behind me, there was a person. I couldn’t see who it was, but it must be someone I knew because I felt safe. There was a comfortable silence. We were both standing there for ages, lost in thought, looking out at the horizon. I realized that it was possible for two or more people to stand separate, be worlds apart, but still be together. It’s an intangible force of peace that nothing else can replace.

I woke up feeling completely lost. Was my dream trying to reach out and say something? Maybe I should be less practical and more idealistic, is that what it meant? Is my subconscious mind searching for something?

December 3, 2006 – Horoscope Prediction

You may feel a mixture of frustration and loneliness today. All you want is to spend a quiet evening with someone in your life, whom you cannot find anywhere. With planes coming in late and rush hour traffic being especially bad there is no way of connecting. Neither pager nor cell phones are any help today. But, take heart because your situation will change very soon.

Rough Market

The young people in the nation’s work force face a choppy job market in which entry-level wages have often trailed inflation, making it hard for many to cope with rising costs. There are so many people looking for the perfect job that it’s strange the market didn’t get saturated earlier. But what really portrays a dream job? Are the reasons always monetary related? If not, what are the reasons?

With the job market scenario getting more competitive than ever, how can one adhere to uphold their position? There has to be that extra panache in each person to actually make a difference to the company leaders, getting noticed or having a working condition made worthwhile.Amongst a few options I can illustrate two that are quite apparent, one is to use the traditional method of being extremely hard working and dedicated along with the extra flair. The second reason is more complex but interesting and is gaining popularity in different levels. One can rightly term it as “office politics” where one can climb on the back of a prominent cash cow and take a free ride all the way to the top. In such cases, one has to note that it’s imperative that one climbs the back of a cow while others are not watching or else there will be a lot of tripping over each other in the attempt to securing the right seat aboard.

One has to realize that such attempts can get a person to take a ride somewhere, but when one does, what’s the next step?

Cecilia E. Rouse, an economist at Princeton University and a co-editor of a forthcoming book on the economics of early adulthood had said “People are getting married later, they’re having children later, and they’re buying houses later,” “There’s been a lengthening of the transition to adulthood, and it is very possible that what has happened in the economy is leading to some of these changes.” Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody’s Economy.com, said it was surprising how deeply young workers were going into debt to maintain the living standards they want.

Sweet Memories

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

The first day I met Munira was in school. She was, and still is, a young lady with a charming personality, a gorgeous smile and a calm serenity that is sure to surround anyone in the vicinity of her beauty. She is truly a lovely person radiating and sparkling from within.

I will always remember those lovely moments we spent together being silly, giggly, crazily happy little girls. Never at that point of our life did we foresee what we would be doing ten years from that point onwards. We were just mere carefree souls ready to embrace life and love everyone and everything with a vengeance that came in the combination of forces full of trust, fun and laughter. Life has evolved for both of us over the years, taking us over the precipice of changes that it had to offer and finally bringing us to the pinnacle we are standing at right now. So, here we are now, where we had possibly never planned to be!

Over the years, we have been in touch. Even though I haven't seen Munira for almost a decade now, I can admirably gaze at the picture she sent me today and reveled at her ability to look "just the same" despite the trials and the years in between.

So, here's "hat's off" for the pretty lady. May her smile glow forever!

Instant Decision Making Factor

I have always wanted to own a crystal ball so that I can foresee changes in life and act accordingly. But, unfortunately, I don’t own a crystal ball, a genie or a magic lamp. What does one do in cases where decision making in a split second is an instant requirement? Do we always take the right decisions in life? Freud may not be scientific when he says "every dream fulfills a desire," but his new interpretative key produces in many subjects some sort of "insight" which falls between knowledge and mere interpretation. But do we shape our lives according to our desires or other circumstances, or a combination of both? While I am still grappling at decision making phases during the turning points of my life here’s an interesting excerpt on magical crystals.

In a crystal ball the points of light reflected from the polished surface (points de repere) serve to attract the attention of the gazer and to fix the eye until, gradually, the optic nerve becomes so fatigued that it finally ceases to transmit to the sensorium the impression made from without and begins to respond to the reflex action proceeding from the brain of the gazer. In this way the impression received from within is apparently projected and seems to come from without. For more: http://www.jjkent.com/articles/crystal-balls-divination-history.htm http://www.jjkent.com/articles/crystal-balls-history-religion.htm

Moral of the Day: “Don’t ‘believe’ in all you see, ‘listen’ to all you hear and ‘speak’ out all you know”.

Procrastination – The Thief of Time

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right”- Napolean Hill.

I have finally done it! I have finally started the journey in slow progress . I have learnt to curb the P word. I am not fully cured but since I have combated it better this month I decided to pen it down for all it's worth. It definitely gives a tremendous boost to confidence and thats a wonderful feeling! Many would describe procrastination in a plethora of ways. It’s a long and tedious process to conquer but it’s achievable. For me, it was just a mental mind set. You have to do what you just have to do and you have to do it now! There are various articles on why we procrastinate and its nice reading. But like all reading materials, we tend to forget it the moment we close the pages, and than, when things never get done we logically justify our actions consciously or unconsciously with...“It’s just that there is no time", "tomorrow the weather will be better", "I am just too lazy", "there arent enough materials', 'I am not just in a good mood right now", "I just have to do this some other time", "I want to do it right with a little more time", ......….! We denote procrastination to incurable in extreme cases and and write it off as part of our personality or worse, our incapability. But, by doing so we are allowing our body to take control over our mind. Take for example, the “cleaning out day”. Cleaning out cupboards and shelves was a huge topper on my list of “procrastinate with glory”. I realized that I would put off what I really needed to do and feel immense guilt for it later. To conquer this feat, I selected a day and time, switched off everything else that would call me away from the task in hand and switched on wonderful music to give me that extra motivation. Just as I began, my friend dropped by to ask me to join her for a cup of tea. Torn, I hesitated for a moment, asked her to give me a few minutes and did a wonderful speed job of cleaning. Voila! Not only did I have tea but I circled a day on my calendar for the next cleaning session. Another good example this month of combating procrastination is my previous tale of walking away the calories. A friend had the privilege of listening to me everyday for the past five months of how much I would prefer to find some time to work out those calories. Finally, with exasperation my well-wisher just stated succinctly. “Don’t talk about it, just do it!” though it quite sounded more like “stop whining and wasting my time!”. it certainly helped! For ammunition on this virus check out

http://www.43things.com/tag/procastination

"Don’t do today what you can put off until tomorrow.""In putting off what one has to do, one runs the risk of never being able to do it."-Charles Baudelaire

"Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week." -Spanish Proverb

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task." -William James

Spending Quality Time With Mom

Restaurants here come in all shapes, sizes, decor and ambiance. Growing work pressure, competition to perform well, stretched work hours, stress and other reasons such as little or no social life here is providing a thriving business for gourmet and non gourmet meal suppliers.

I should have been a restaurant owner.

Especially since, I see myself gravitating towards these irresistible embodiments very often. The dent in my purse along with a fear of standing on a weighing machine on my own had me gnawing on my nails in despair. Saying “abracadabra” was not enough to wish for calories to simply disappear.

With restricting hours for the gym at proper timings, I decided to resolve the issue of loosing weight while spending quality time chatting with my mom as a combo meal for staying fit with happiness. Armed with enthusiasm, a happy partner and a new pair of sneakers I decided to burn a trail on the joggers’ lane near home.

With mom as my companion, we were soon flocked by very friendly neighboring aunts at the joggers’ lane. Therefore, instead of a combo meal, we ended up having family sized packets of gossip and tales of family life dilemmas. This entails slow paced walking and non-fresh, sand-filled groundnut eating ritual for as long as the walk lasts.

At this rate, the groundnut seller is possibly thinking of opening his own groundnut restaurant!

The silver in the lining is that with time flying past at the blink of an eye, any amount of time spent with my mom is quality time. Of course, this probably means I will not loose weight the faster way but the compensation benefit is well worth it.

A Pair of Red Shoes

While I was working on a report today I came across a picture of a beautiful pair of Celine Shoes on the web. It took me back through time. In all the years of our lives, there are certain moments that never fail to put a smile on our face. Like a pair of Red Shoes for instance; it was possibly one of the most wonderful gifts I ever received in my life.

Now what makes a gift so memorable? It definitely depends on the person who gives it along with the situational factors entwined with it. What is important is not exactly the gift itself but the purpose behind it. One would say “it’s the thought behind it that counts”. A survey conducted by Barlow T. Mann under the auspices of the National Committee on Planned Giving (NCPG) in 2000 revealed that the desire to create a lasting memorial for oneself or a loved one motivates almost anyone human. From a graph compiled from the survey, it can be seen that a desire to give to support charity is about 97%, compared to 33% for creating a memorial for loved one and a mere 13% as a desire to give to friends and family. It thus makes me wonder that if a person can spend so much, giving wonderful gifts to known people on occasions, that person is also capable of giving a lot to charity. This country certainly needs more people like that. Philosopher Ann Rand, states that philanthropic giving does not exist. She feels that we give gifts to others to satisfy one basic need in ourselves." The need to feel personal gratification about the physical art of giving and the emotional art of being remembered"! I believe that we should all enjoy the art of giving! It doesn't really have to be restricted to monetary endowments, it could be as simple as a flash of smile. There might be someone out there who might always remember you for your simple generosity, perhaps throughout their life !