The Flower of Encouragement

Marie shares some advice.

“Don't be afraid to dream of what you want to become. Be determined to succeed no matter how many setbacks you have. Don't listen to people who say, ‘You can't do something'. Get your education. There are people with more education, there are people with more money, but no one is better than you are unless you let them be!”

"People who feel loved, or when it's reciprocated, research says they live longer, happier, have better health and make more money," said Glen Jenson, Utah State University Family and Human Development professor and extension specialist. "The diet can play a significant role, but nothing is more powerful than love and intimacy." Even plants understand the voice of love and encouragement.

As I was conversing last night, I realized that like Marie, I too am the product and result of encouragement and support throughout my life.

When I was 4 years old, an international cultural program was to be held in the city and every foreigner in town was asked to participate and represent their country. Being foreigners ourselves, we were marked eligible participants for the events, and invitations were issued that could not be ignored. The trouble with the theme was that, the blessed country folk had to come up with something to do on stage.

Meetings were held, “pokoras” (Bengali snacks) were fried while discussing at length on what to do. I was too young to understand the peccadilloes of adult beings and their decision making policies in avoidance of being circus clowns. Finally, a lab rat chosen, I was sized up with joy by my young aunties. With few deliberations, a costume was designed, dance steps were taught and a star was created right there, right than. I was immensely thrilled with the constant attention and with the beautiful scented real flower costume made for me to wear at the occasion.

My tentative dance steps mainly consisted of circles, tiny hands and leg movements, lots of pirouetting and a constant smiling face. I was even taught to lip sing to the song that played. Under the tutelage of my jubilant mentors, my feet tapping consciously to the rhythm of the beats, the crowd went ballistic and I felt like a true born superstar.

Just before the dance commenced, my mom took me aside and told me never to fear anything because she knew I was going to be a tiny princess on stage and do well. Later, I realized that at that particular moment, nothing in life was more important than the feeling of wanting to please her and make her proud. I didn’t even know what happiness or success meant at that tender age. But, it surely was a time and a moment, when a seed was planted and an illusion took form. I become a child star covered in flowers on stage, and since then, I never forgot the pleasure of participation.

Causes to Celebrate!

Tigers roar, Bangladesh wins against South Africa in world cup cricket. Last night, a simple source of distraction led me to watching the cricket game on TV. Now, I should mention here that I am not even acquainted with the ‘C’ of cricket; football being more of a sport I had liked while growing up in West Africa where the game was more popular.

But, I watched cricket last night, just for a while. The playing was impressive and I was proud of our country cricket players and their playing skills, dedication and endeavor. My colleagues came to work this morning with heavy laden eyes and a happy satisfied stance so rare on Sunday mornings that it vied my pride a notch higher. Our finance manager treated us to sweets and shingaras marking it with the spirit of celebration.

Last night I had asked my dad to explain some of the cricket terms including Overs, Innings and wickets to me and felt good about knowing something about this sport, finally. A resolution for the day is to learn all I can about this game in the shortest time possible; Cricket is a game that is presently, such a pride and joy of Bangladesh regardless of other issues plaguing the place that I think its imperative to know how it is played, even if the cause emanates from fellowship belonging.

“There are miles to go before I sleep……” – Robert Frost”

Another cause that made the 7th of April the luckiest no 7 of the month this year was when my very own brother came away with an impressive first prize at the first National Corporate Go-Cart competition held yesterday. He won a huge trophy, which was almost half the size of my petite frame and a hefty prize money. He claims it was luck. He had no practice and had no idea he was a participant until his boss pushed him into signing in for the game. But, I believe it was more than just plain luck. It’s not easy winning a championship Go-Cart competition with 132 participants from different corporate houses, where some were perhaps more experienced at the game.

So, with twin cause to celebrate today, a spill over from last night, I wonder if that is ample excuse for not studying enough yesterday for an exam scheduled after work today. And, if I happen to do well, it shall most definitely be the result of a certain lady luck smiling down upon me!

Trees, Mountains, Lakes and Coincidences

While we are waiting and recalling all the things we want to do at this end of the planet, there are actually people at the other end of the planet who are doing it.

Here is my cousin Putul with her husband visiting Switzerland this week. When she called last night, telling us how she just got back from Switzerland, I told her with glee how I actually wrote about visiting the place two days ago in my blog and subsequently asked her for updates.

Putul is my favorite cousin. We go back a long way. Since we couldn’t possibly grow up together as I was situated on one side of the planet and she on the other, we had real bonding times whenever we both would get back to Bangladesh on our vacations.

Even as a kid, Putul was quite the doctor. She loved wearing the kitchen apron and treated us all like patients. She took our pulses, checked our tongues, told us we were alright and didn’t require an operation.

She is the epitome of turning wishes into reality. A doctor now, practising in uk, not only did she get a full scholarship for her studies, but she was the first person who was actually allowed to operate on a patient earlier than her classmates and appear on TV on a talk show.

Now, though we are not able to keep in touch like always, our busy lives taking us further away from constant updates on each other’s lives, she still is my favorite cousin. She will always be the baby sister I had fed when I was young. Whenever we do get a chance to meet up however, she never fails to put a smile on my face by asking “Oh my, but have you grown prettier?”

So, its definitely a coincidence that while I was writing about visiting Switzerland, she was, unknowingly and actually right there taking pictures to send for my blog.

Greener Pastures? Or not?

One of my closest friends today wrote me a mail that had me gaping with surprise. She was such a happy person all her life, I had no idea that there was trouble in paradise.

I sat back and reflected on why this happened and came up with no solutions or any easy answer. Just a thought.

Some of us tend to think that life across the planet is so much better than the ones we are leading on our side of the planet. I remember being a victim of that thought years ago before I went to study for my undergrad program in a place far from home.

Now, when I look back, I am glad I had the opportunity and the experiences I had gathered and would never wish to reverse back time to do things differently. What I hadn't counted on, though, was the loneliness I had felt, the parents I had missed, the tough life I had to endure. There were times, I would look at the white wall of my apartment and dream of being back home.

And than I got back home, and now I dream of going back. However, I know the score now. Sometimes, we just tend to ignore the small sharp thorns when viewing the lovely roses. Life is definitely better when we are aware of both the beauty of the roses and the sharpness of the thorns because only than can we pluck the tiny thorns away so that we don't hurt ourselves when holding the roses in the palm of our hands.

I fervently hope my friend overcomes her troubles, while she does so, I am taking a break here to count my blessings with a new look to my blog.

"God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" - Serenity Prayer

"Must-see" places.

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.- William Henry Davies.

Switzerland is the land of my dreams. I don't quite know when that fact was established. Perhaps, movies, TV and travelogues have made a tremendous impact on my traveling wishes and dreams.

Places I would really love to see before I finally reach heaven is to see heaven on earth. I love mountains and the sea and the lovely greens. I am a nature person. I also like deep dark rain forests, lakes and countryside views. Being a city girl, these places feel perfect to visualize when I am stressed at work.

I have had Nepal, Ooty and Kodaikanal in my list of “must-see” places and I have already crossed them off as I visited each place more than once. In fact, my first oil painting consisted of an old scenery of Nepal copied from a travelogue. Last year I had a great wish to see Darjeeling and missed the tour for various reasons. I had wanted to see real life snow in my life because I have heard it's quite an experience.

Right now, with the heat, pollution and congestion in the city, I fancy a peaceful vacation armed with a book, an easel, a i-pod and a place so picturesque that I can just sit for hours looking at the view, drawing or simply just feeling the breeze on my face.

I was shocked to realize that I have my entire annual leave and casual leave pending at work as well as a carry over of both from the previous year. If I don't avail them I will soon forfeit them. When did I turn into such a workaholic? Its not that I really want to work, but perhaps I really do need a break and visit one place for now…...My first target is to visit Srimongol with its lush green tea gardens and quaint cottages until finally, some day, I have an opportunity to visit the famous Swiss Alps.

It’s a fact that Switzerland has more than 1,500 lakes and it is said that you are never more than 10 miles from a lake anywhere in the country.

Time Value of Money

“Even as students we should think about retirement. Most experts would agree you should have financial plan for achieving your retirement goals when you start your professional career, or soon afterwards; otherwise you will find those goals difficult to achieve, if not, impossible. To retire comfortably, 10 to 20 percent of your income should be set aside each year” – Scott Besley, Essentials of Financial Management.

This paragraph leaped up and danced a mambo in my head for a while as I was studying last night for my quiz. Studying is good because pre-exam, my brain cells reach high levels of neurotransmitter activity. I tend to drift off and think of everything else including expanding on the horizons of the study materials. This could range from writing this blog to studying an ant carrying off biscuit crumbs from the table during my insect study days to when to clean my room, the curtains I want to replace, the lamps I want to buy, the pictures I want to paint, the novels I want to read and all things pending that needs to be done.

But “mind-stray” during exams have been quite beneficial to me over the years. I have had cleaner rooms, more updated address books, bills paid, novels read, cleaner nails, better sleep, I have contacted people and friends, became creative and definitely more home bound. The only drawback is that during immense brain activity, being a mite cranky and having low reserves of patience levels are quite common.

This time, my exams have compelled me to start a new savings plan. To seal the thought, I called up my banker friend for lunch tomorrow and she promised to provide me free consultancy.

Sometimes I think, maybe I should never give up studying to lead a richer, more fulfilling life.

Outlook:

* An article on the top ten steps to a better brain suggest that the ultimate mastermind diet should contain a smart choice of omelette and salad for lunch to slow age-related memory loss. Now my special lunch menu at Bella Italia can forever consist of their special omelette and great seafood salad without qualms.

* I have progressed from an activity Junky (69%), the average child who won't sacrifice their social life to revise to a commendable striver (9%) who will study to the exclusion of a social life.

* I have tentatively touched few aspects of the fifth level of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of Needs.

* According to recent findings, the fragrance of roses enhance memory.

The Truth Behind A Name

When I started this blog, I had a mean time trying to find a suitable name for my blog. I realised that there were so many people existing in this world with Anne, Anna and my other names that there was no space for another of it on a new blog. So, I decided to add Belle to Anna...and it became Annabelle. Satisfied, I left it like that without giving it a second thought.

Now, a few days back someone I know sent me this sweet letter. As she is more skilled than I am with English Literature I was overwhelmed to see her taking an active interest in my choice of name for the blog and sending me the link to a poem that was titled "Annabelle".

It also made me realise that things done on an impulse at one end of the world, even as simple as choosing a name, is probably done with great meaning elsewhere in the world. Maybe I should read poetry more often.

Since this is the memory week for me, I suppose I could add this to my blog to commemorate the occasion of how a simple name could actually bring back old memories to others....

My dear friend -

Long, long time back when I was in high school in the states, I bought a book from a garage sale of American Poems. I was very young but loved reading - specially poetry!

I remember the day so very well - came home, it was a sunday - read a poem I still cherish. I saw your blogs and liked the name you used. You are not a close friend, well if I put it in other way, never got the chance to know 'A simple soul put on earth to smell the roses' - Interesting that today I thought I would share this beautiful poem with you. Reason you will know soon when you open the site.

(smiling) Enjoy sweety!

Something to Talk About

Communication is the first thing anyone learns about. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say or ask for what we really need.

Based on this statement, I will say that I was born with a knack for communicating. I thought I could easily and verbally "communicate" everything and to everyone with minimal ease. I later learnt that I was termed as the “chatter box” of the group. I have never been called "BBC world service", which I assume is worse than being called a chatterbox.

As a chatterbox, I was also termed to be a ‘good talker’ in comparison to a ‘good listener’. A good talker in my opinion never has time to judge people; in fact, they never get to learn enough about the other person to judge them in the first place. So I was possibly floozy but amiable, vacuous but gregarious, funny but not a comedian and definitely full of fun and laughter. As a young chatterbox, I always found it easy to make friends wherever I went, I was liked and accepted more effortlessly and I was always loved by elders (and no, I was never their secret agents spying on the young ones). I was like Tweety chirping away mindless talk.

And than I grew up and learnt that communication is a two-way process!

With age and maturity I have discovered that being tweety is not always appreciated. We don’t have time to say everything or anything at all (in some cases) to everyone. As I transgressed from the active form of a talker to a more passive listener I have started noticing things about people I never did before. I learnt the word empathy as compared to sympathy and discovered that it was more rewarding.

And just as suddenly, I realized I had set standards for myself on the basis of chatter levels which I never did before. Indeed, there are some things, if said unconsciously that could sound “rude”, “mean”, “unfeeling” and “nonsensical” to the recipient which we never had to worry about when we were kids. Let the world suffer, what did we care? I also developed a sixth sense about when to say what and under what situations and it all boils down to respect for others. So no longer are those days here when a mild comment such as "why do you always braid your hair, you do not look cool" has been replaced with "your braids are beautiful, but you will look better if you leave your hair loose". Besides, time has become extremely precocious and any instant to empathize or listen, leave alone talk is increasing becoming difficult.

From my point of view, I call it “growing up”. No more do I mindlessly walk into a room and scream ”helloooo” anymore unless I am ready for a few surprise stares. Meanwhile, elders are not so comfortable with silence, they prefer chittar chatter and transparency. It’s also not so easy anymore to make friends when you prefer being a stoic “listener” for the better period of time. In fact, some people are most definitely intimidated with silence and eye contact no matter what.

And than, somewhere along the way, a little obstacle to communication called the “ego” too has crept up sneaking. Ego, I have learnt, is a word that expresses a wish to be appreciated as a person with values. As I see it now, I realize that people with very less ego in them are freer with words than a person with more of that lethal stuff but that could differ from person to person. It’s just a matter of choice and balance, self confidence, skills in communication and knowledge. With experience, I have finally realized that “Communication is definitely a tool, once learnt can be quite an important aspect of our life, it can portray to others about what we are and what they mean to us and it's wholly up to us to decide what or how to communicate."

Painting a Wall

Here is a favorite psychological test that I use as an ice breaking session. I don't quite remember where I learnt it from.

Imagine you have a room where the paint has gone off in small patches on the wall. Provided you have enough money to paint the wall, which of the three things would you do immediately?

a) Wait and than paint the entire wall

b) Paint only that small portion of the wall where the paint has gone off for the meanwhile

c) Place a picture on that part of the wall where the paint has gone off.

The responses I had come across were varied but the interpretation never failed to entertain the participants. The interpretation of the answers bore reference to a person’s memory and how they remembered people, places, events and incidents. For example, a person who would paint an entire wall is a person who can completely forget a certain event, person or incident in comparison to the person who would never forget if they placed a picture on the wall.

The above test is just a game and has no claims on being authentic. But, in truth, we as mere human beings do tend to forget things or simply do not remember certain occasions unless we refresh our brain with insights. Sometimes we suffer from temporary amnesia too. People forget to be happy, sad, interested, disinterested etc, unless they continually pursue or think of the object of interest otherwise known as classical conditioning, as that of Ivan Pavlov conditioned a dog to salivate when a bell was rung.

Two days back, another photograph cropped up at home and it took me several minutes to actually reach instant recollection. I was surprised that I didn't remember where the picture was taken or even the identity of the people in the picture. How could I have possibly forgotten about the day, event, place and people in the picture? I was stupified and totally amazed, especially since it was a picture taken on the day I left Bangalore and I had sworn that it will be a day that will remain a memory as long as I lived. It's just been a few years now, but not only had I blanked the entire scene out but it was difficult for me to even recognize the brief encounter with the well wishers in the photograph.

According to science, trauma is one of the reasons we intend to blank out events or people. Transient ischemic attack happens when a sudden and brief blockage of blood flow to the brain takes place. In non scientific terms, that could possibly be when in rare cases under pressure and stress I would open the door of the fridge or enter a room in a rush and wonder what I needed to do that for. I guess, when I look back to that momentous day, other than remembering that I had teared up when I was handing over my apartment keys, there was, otherwise no major trauma. But I had somehow, blanked out the entire evening prior to my departure from Bangalore without conscious effort. Did I never think about it later? Is that strange and unfeeling on my behalf, or mere indifference? I admit, life has rated high on the speedometer after I got back, but I was shaken with surprise over a mere photograph that jumped up at me and yelled silently, "remember"!

Last year, in an official training, including a Neuro Linguistic Program we were taught how to black out traumatic events in life to perform better at work if required. It was an interesting fun workshop. We were asked to close our eyes and visualize the place, event, and people in it. Than, we had to change the picture in our minds accordingly for example, if it was night, we were asked to imagine it being day thereby totally “redressing” the event or incident and saving the “new image” in our memory cells. We were paired up in groups and we all had fun trying to make each other forget events. I don’t know if it really works but the morale of the story is that one time or the other in life, we all move on, we get busy with other things and the past fades if we allow it to just somehow disappear into the distance. The only reason we hold on is because we consciously want to or we have horded pictures to remind us of "the day", "the time" and "the moment". Similarly if you always want to remember it....go ahead "Snap Away" and keep the picture in a nice album or write a journal, a letter or a tribute. If not, destroy it and chances are, unless someone refers to it, you won't remember until one fine day you pick your brain and voila!... or perhaps, you pick your brain and.....nothing! It has happened to me, it could happen to you too.

“Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope it goes away on its own. Hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions and no easy answers. You just have to breathe deep and wait for it to subside. You just have to fight through it because you can’t outrun it. But sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, than it’s up to you to see the glass half full and trudge on, stronger than you ever expected yourself to be.” – Meredith, Gray Anatomy

Footprints on the Sand

Goa Dec 1997: I came across this photograph yesterday during reshuffling of things at home. The best thing about having your house painted is that things roll out from shelves you didn’t know existed. Extremely amused, I brought it to work this morning and showed it to my colleagues with a smile and said "This is how I looked like all those years ago, I weighed 38.5kg and I needed a belt to hold up those purple jeans, how many of you can bet that I cannot go back to this form again?" There were a few giggles, more comments and finally a bet placed. So, armed with motivation of winning I am actually rejoining the gym again from today, all expenses paid. Visuals really work! Who cares if I win the bet or not, at least the carousal has started spinning.

One thing you don’t know about the beautiful mud cottage in the picture: It didn't have any bathroom doors, so I will never forget how two of us were woken up in the middle of the night and we were driven out of the cottage to sit outside while the third one had to go.

One thing I want to really do: Meet up some day with Barsha and Rageshwari in the picture. I lost contact, the last I heard of them was that Barsha is probably doing her Phd in some part of the world and Rajeshwari is a doctor in some other part of the world. If anyone knows them, I will pay a handsome reunion fee.

Some things never change: I absolutely had no idea where I was headed 10yrs ago and I still don’t know now. What I do know are some of my achievements. As I tick them off I realize that I never even planned some of the nicer achievements along the way…nor did I envision the surprise accolades.

- Best youngest teacher award at the age of 19yrs with price money of Tk 5,000. I figured back than that it was probably because the kids loved me so much because I was their size. I loved them, I treated them like adults and they studied harder and scored better. Till today, I couldn’t bring myself to spending that cheque.

- Silver medal in Wado, blue belt which was a big laugh because I was kicked out once during the competition for hyperventilating.

- Youngest assist manager at Citibank, bangalore. This was a real surprise, all I had to do was work 7 days a week for more than 18hrs a day to escape boredom of returning to an empty apartment back when I lived on my own.

- Got selected amongst 2,000 candidates in an audition to participate on a program on MTV and StarPlus in 2000. I wasn’t really interested in the audition, I just wanted to see what the real Veejays and hosts looked like in person.

- Second place at an intercollegiate essay competition on the topic “Mathematics in the new Millenium”. The funniest thing is that I was forced to enter the competition because someone else called in sick. I hate Mathematics, I had flunked a few times in it and I don’t even remember what I wrote in the essay that day.

- 1st place at a dance competition. For starters, I signed in because I liked the stage and thought of doing something on it and decided to choose dancing. So I went to a custume lending store and finally found someting that fit me. It was a glittery bejeweled gown with a huge bejeweled Turban. I looked like Tipu sultan’s sister with no idea which way I was gyrating on stage. I guess my mom's advice “dress so well during a dance performance that people don’t notice what you do on stage” worked. For the record, I never attended a dance class in my life!

- Having my nephew Marfiq smile at me every time he sees me. I don’t know how that’s an achievement but he might like reading his name out on my achievement list when he grows up.

10yrs back I was always broke. I am still always broke (not literally of course) and happy. I actually want to go and say “Thank You” to that cottage owner for giving us complimentary breakfast because he figured we ran out on cash the day we left that cottage in Goa.

“The best things happen to you when you least expect it”