Facing Reality: "Situational Immobility"

I came to work today with a cloud over my head. My finals on Capital budgeting and Net profit value backfired under the showers of deep dark clouds. It rained heavily yesterday and transportation was a bare minimal, not to say, completely scarce.

Security in mobility is a huge factor here. Though transport situation is better than it used to be many years ago, people without a proper personal vehicle is decidedly prone to accidents and mugging and zero security. My friend Imti was mugged a couple of months ago while walking back to his place, bearing on his face, an interesting cut incurred from the spectacles that was punched into his forehead. My sister, who was mugged in an expensive taxi cab and red pepper rubbed into her eyes before her mobile phone and cash was confiscated, is another good example. My brother, also falling prey to local mugging, tried a few of his learnt karate punches without avail on the gang of thieves that hailed him on a rickshaw a few months ago and took his expensive mobile phone which I had given him on his birthday. I never saw him cry ever since he was a baby until that day. My colleague, lost his 7th mobile phone to the muggers’ victory while travelling in a CNG autorickshaw, his stories now are an entertainment in the office. The list could go on. But combine insecurity of public transportation, any form, to that of heavy rain showers accompanied by life threatening hail storms we have independence brought down to a bare minimum in Dhaka city.

And thus we all live here. Trying to make the most out of life and living.

I always relied on my spiritual instincts telling me what I should do and differentiating between what to do and what not to do. So far, my instincts hadn’t failed me. Even though each time life had provided a fork in the road for me, I had happily taken the detour, enjoying the scenery along the way; each detour in life pounced upon with joy and excitement. So, yesterday was really the first time I sighed because something as monumental as attending a final exam on time had made me realize that the absence of a constant "mobility factor" has started bothering me.

As the storm ensued with heavy downpour along with lightening and thunder, I sat resigned, and looked at the sky, which was different than the usual darker pleasant atmosphere during such heavy downpour. The sky was illuminously bright with sunlight shinning through the heavy rain. I wondered if there was a rainbow somewhere. The smell of the earth was not as good as it used to be; increased pollution and open drains replacing the smell of the earth with foul smell. While I tried to enjoy the situation, which was otherwise quite exasperating, I wondered whether I could attend the Capital Budgeting exam on time. In all these years, I was finally a sad victim to the situational condition relating to transportation in Dhaka city, and even if I was, it had not galled me before.

Does this type of situation prevail elsewhere in the world? I lived in Bangalore for five years and never did I have an issue with transport or weather condition causing a transportation problem. Nor did I have to unduly worry about transport and security for that matter. Someone had asked me a few days ago why I wasn’t married when I was 19yrs. Interesting enough, it had never before crossed my mind. Would I have been happy if I had been married before? How am I supposed to know? Looking back at the best proposal that came my way back at that age, I would have been situated in Texas right now, with about a few kids, possibly with or without a career. probably with a loving partner, or probably not. Would secure transport and heavy downpour cause such a frown if I that a result of that pathway? Would there be other issues that would have plagued me, perhaps.

But since I just didn’t tread a different path to my life as the one I am on right now, there is absolutely no possibility of visualising something that could have happened or not happened. I am a realist. I know one thing. I certainly need to do something about this mobility factor; I need to get back on the track of one Capital Budgeting Course of Managerial Finance that I cannot believe I have to re-take. And, I have to definitely get my life more organized. With that thought, coupled with the quote on my calendar made me take a few notes on a few details missing on my previous schedules, one such one will now include, checking on a better transport schedule. And I need to see if a car/ the car/ our car gets fixed before the end of the week, if not, I need to get a temporary one fixed to provide me a better and more secured transport facility during this monsoon season.

“You have limited energy, focus it on the things that matter”.

My list of Phobias

“I am scared of riding on rickshaws” I said to my friend Rozana last night when I was explaining to her how dangerous those flimsy looking entrapments looked on the highway, how I was petrified of having to cross the road in them, and how I felt the rickshaw pullers were inexperienced and failed to use a certain level of common sense to prevent danger. She told me it was ridiculous to be scared and stated how she was never scared of anything except God.

Perhaps she was right. The world really isn’t really full of scary things, fearsome uncertainties, and illusionary ogres just waiting to pounce on people who are scared of them.

But I am only human, I am still terrified of certain things, I may not be amongst those scared of spiders, snakes, heights, etc, but as I sat down today and listed some of the things that do scare me I came up with quite a few.

* Accidents- Dystychiphobia.

* Crowds or mobs- Enochlophobia, Demophobia or Ochlophobia.

* Death or dying- Thanatophobia.

* Flying- Aviophobia

* Ghosts or specters- Spectrophobia.

* Spirits- Pneumatiphobia.

* Burglars or being harmed by wicked persons- Scelerophobia.

* Operation, surgical- Tomophobia.

* Speed- Tachophobia.

* Streets, crossing streets- Dromophobia.

* Storm, thunder- Brontophobia.

I didn’t find the real term for “fear of exams” on the site so if any of you find the term I would love to know what it’s called.

I have learnt that a certain level of being scared is by not knowing. The other level is by knowing how it feels, like the accident I once had when I was young, I wasn’t hurt much but the traumatic experience had instilled a fear of automobiles in general for me.

The fear of crowds originated from another childhood experience. I was about 5yrs old, traveling with my parents to a distant village in South Nigeria to visit a Bengali doctor, a friend of my dad's, who was situated in a place called Ikare Akoko. On entering the remote town, suddenly, our car was surrounded by a tribal group of dancers attired in leaves, body painted in bright colors, celebrating a local festival. They all looked happy but I was so terrified that I had cowered in the car, certain we were all going to be killed and eaten up like it's done in the movies.

The clinical cure to phobias is apparently exposure treatment, so called because the patient is exposed to the phobic stimulus as part of the therapeutic process. Another form of cure is used is called counter-conditioning (Watson, 1924). In this form, one is trained to substitute a relaxation response for the fear response in the presence of the phobic stimulus

Check out your list of phobias here.

A Mood Chart

Life is very simple; we just tend to make it complicated. My mom always says “take everything easily, like a grain of sand”. I remember those days back in school, when I would be up all night studying and my mom would get up every hour checking to see if I was alright or if I needed a glass of milk to keep up the energy. After a certain time, she would tell me “Go to bed, whatever you have read will come in the exam, the rest won’t, I can feel it”. I always believed her, not because I didn’t want to study but because she always said it with such conviction.

I have seen her using the same treatment with dad. Whenever dad would get too worried, she would say, “stop thinking, everything will be fine, I can feel it” and instantly I would see my dad’s features relax and that smile pop on his face that probably meant “I know things wont be fine but I am glad for the support”.

Moods and personality traits are a result of a lot of things. A study I had done on myself two years back for a month has proved that. In my flash of creative inspiration I decided to chart my mood for a month on an excel sheet which I felt was an easier way out from writing journals. The results were interesting.

Though I could not continue my mood charting for long, I now know that oversleeping is bad for me, there are certain times of the day, when I am at the top of my form in energy and mood. I was happy to know that I was happy person during that month. The only time I got angry was when it was a culmination of bad mood that continued for a while.

Newsflash: This chart only takes just a minute to fill up every night. Though my mood chart originated from failure to write my usual journals which took up more time each day, I found out later that mood charting is actually a good way to record events chronologically and will help to report mood and symptoms to clinician more efficiently. After a few months, the mood chart can be a useful tool for looking to the future.

A proper clinical mood chart would look like this or this.

Miss You: Babies and All

Here is a picture of me on a tiny temporary island formed in the middle of the Jamuna river taken two weeks ago. The calm atmosphere captured in the picture had instilled in me a feeling of extreme harmony and peace and had assisted me to overcome the stressful workload this forthnight.

But suddenly today, amidst the rush of daily life, I missed having my old and dear friends from school around me, especially the ones who live so far away from this place and city.

The thought was triggered when I received four baby pictures today. One from each of my close friends and relatives. And suddenly, I missed them all. The young ones who have turned out looking just like their parents, the parents who want me to go and visit them and the relatives who assume I dont have enough time to miss them.

So, here's a note. No matter how busy my life might get, there will always be a time when a void will be felt and I will reminisce those good old school days and those good old school friends. So now, no matter where they are, in my mind's eye, they are the same as ever, a walk through memory lane will always bring them in tune with my thoughts. After all, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. “Que Sera, Sera” (“What will be, will be” ).

A Thought

When I was a kid I used to say, "When I grow up I want to be." Then while I wasn't paying attention, one day, childhood snuck away from me and suddenly I found myself up. I wasn't as prepared as I would like to have been. Who am I kidding? I wasn't prepared at all. I looked out into the world and for the first time I took notice of the pressures that lay before me. They're everywhere. Pressure to act, pressure to try, pressure to follow, pressure to become. The list is too long. Even though no one ever has to really say a word because we have enough criticism within ourselves to pressure us for a lifetime. It's true we are the hardest on ourselves than anyone else.

It's hard enough trying to be still for five minutes when drive-thru's and microwaves aren't fast enough anymore. Suddenly life has become a race and we've fallen into the trap of comparing. But to who's standard? And are standards supposed to change? Because every time I turn around the world has a new set. Loose morals. That's what they are. It's whatever feels comfortable; whatever feels good. It's being spread across the entire earth like a sick disease, and the killer? Conformity.

And then there's disappointment. It likes to walk by your side when you hit that age when you're not where you pictured yourself to be twenty, ten, or five years ago. That's when you have to learn to ease up on yourself and make contentment your friend because no matter how many years we live, we still have a while to go. And no matter how many struggles, sufferings or mistakes we go through we still have a lot more of those coming our way too. So after all is thought through you reach a point where you realize that "In me I Trust" really wasn't just a nice quote to decorate our memory.

Yesterday someone asked me, in all seriousness, what I want to be when I grow up. At first I laughed at the feeling I got of being a kid again. I haven't been asked that question for about fifteen years. It got me thinking though. No matter how many times I didn't meet my expectations there's always been room for another chance. I've just recently come to realize that age is not the issue. The issue is we can be whatever we want to be, and we can start today by working towards it, never conforming to what we don't believe in.

“"You are today where your thoughts have brought you, you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." James Allen, author

The House of 1000 Mirrors

I have always believed that the world is always a beautiful place when you feel you are beautiful. When I am happy, I love everyone and everything around me but when I am upset, I feel others are too. Once discovered such a theory, I have decided that one day, I shall and I want to be one of those old women with laugh lines and twinkling crinkles beneath a pair of sparkling eyes.

Today, someone sent me this forward and I thought I would add it to my blog.

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house.

He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door.When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

Bengali New Year in Red

Bengali New Year 1414, marks the beginning of cheer, happiness, friendship and joyous moments with colleagues, friends and bengali sweets.

Bengali New Year 1414: A personal glimpse

Motto: Never give up!

Memorable Moments: Best new year in the last five years! Woke up late, gave up trying to wear a sari and visit a parlor to have a Bengali new year hairstyle. Was late for a corporate lunch. Taxi cab broke down in the middle of the road, forgot to carry a hair brush along, so I had my hair flying like a flag all over the place. Ran across the road to hail a rickshaw which had a sliding seat so I had to really hang on tight to a frail hood.

That was the bad part, than came the good part.

* Attended the wonderful free corporate lunch with my close friend Imti on the occasion of Boishaki at Lake Shore hotel. A complete four course meal consisting of at least 20 "barthas". I have to watch my weight again!

* Wore bright red to commemorate this auspicious day. I guess the red shalwar propelled the sales manager at the hotel to "pass on" the bouquet of flowers to wish me a bengali new year.

* Met up with Sabiha and Munta along with Imti and celebrated this day over sumptious coffee mocha at Bon Cafe.

* Came to office to work on a project, which I could not have done at home otherwise.

Still Have to:

* Have dinner with my troupe Rica and Co.

* Complete office work so that I can have free time to have fun at the office New Year celebrations to be held at the office tomorrow where I do have to wear a sari.

* Spend some time with my parents tonight and perhaps share a little daily gossip.

* Complete my project work and study for an exam and a final project presentation tomorrow right after work.

Life is short, so with just a little time-management and priority based schedule, I am trying to adjust this Happy Bengali New Year day with memories to treasure. Lets hope I can sleep off the 'burn out effect' after a day!

Bengali Novo Borsho Wish: "Noboborsho apnader shundor jibone boe anuk anabil sukh ar sommriddhi. Shundor hok agamir dingulo, ei shuvo kamonai".

A Bitter Reality

I got this forward mail in my inbox today, read it, thought it was significant to most such similar cases in the country and distributed it to a few selected people. Promptly after that, my friend Naushaba wrote me back this line "funny u shud send this mail at this time...coz just the day 4 yesterday, i was thinking abt all this".

That is when, I decided to add the forward in my blog for reflections....

As the dream of most parents. I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true.

Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India. My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.

I wanted to do some thing more than him. But, I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate. Getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.

Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home, I spent home one week, going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.

In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get any more holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, I returned to USA. My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week and sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.

After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and agirl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children. Every year I decide to go to India. But part work, part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India. The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rites. The society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA. My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.

Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA. I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.

Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode. Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same. nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM. Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it.

I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me. Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rites, God Bless them. But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'I am still searching for an answer................!!!!

-- "Think Positive & Do Positive"

The Flower of Encouragement

Marie shares some advice.

“Don't be afraid to dream of what you want to become. Be determined to succeed no matter how many setbacks you have. Don't listen to people who say, ‘You can't do something'. Get your education. There are people with more education, there are people with more money, but no one is better than you are unless you let them be!”

"People who feel loved, or when it's reciprocated, research says they live longer, happier, have better health and make more money," said Glen Jenson, Utah State University Family and Human Development professor and extension specialist. "The diet can play a significant role, but nothing is more powerful than love and intimacy." Even plants understand the voice of love and encouragement.

As I was conversing last night, I realized that like Marie, I too am the product and result of encouragement and support throughout my life.

When I was 4 years old, an international cultural program was to be held in the city and every foreigner in town was asked to participate and represent their country. Being foreigners ourselves, we were marked eligible participants for the events, and invitations were issued that could not be ignored. The trouble with the theme was that, the blessed country folk had to come up with something to do on stage.

Meetings were held, “pokoras” (Bengali snacks) were fried while discussing at length on what to do. I was too young to understand the peccadilloes of adult beings and their decision making policies in avoidance of being circus clowns. Finally, a lab rat chosen, I was sized up with joy by my young aunties. With few deliberations, a costume was designed, dance steps were taught and a star was created right there, right than. I was immensely thrilled with the constant attention and with the beautiful scented real flower costume made for me to wear at the occasion.

My tentative dance steps mainly consisted of circles, tiny hands and leg movements, lots of pirouetting and a constant smiling face. I was even taught to lip sing to the song that played. Under the tutelage of my jubilant mentors, my feet tapping consciously to the rhythm of the beats, the crowd went ballistic and I felt like a true born superstar.

Just before the dance commenced, my mom took me aside and told me never to fear anything because she knew I was going to be a tiny princess on stage and do well. Later, I realized that at that particular moment, nothing in life was more important than the feeling of wanting to please her and make her proud. I didn’t even know what happiness or success meant at that tender age. But, it surely was a time and a moment, when a seed was planted and an illusion took form. I become a child star covered in flowers on stage, and since then, I never forgot the pleasure of participation.