Perfect Rings

"If nothing ever went wrong in your life, you will never have a chance to grow stronger"

Some days are really cool while some are warm and requires the right amount of cooling agent to turn it into the right temperature. It rained last night, further cooling the skies with freshness on winter darkness showing us all that even the weather is not perfect. With the annual Islamic religious festival "the Biswa Ijtema", being held near my house it was a chore getting to work with congested traffic. Like Gabby in her article on yahoo health and fitness had said, "I felt like I was behind the 8 ball. I didn’t feel ahead or caught up on anything any more". But, this time it was not just the traffic. Even though, unlike Gabby, I thought I had my life is in more ‘control’ than ever before. Suddenly, this morning I got up and felt like a dog was chasing its tail. I felt I was going round in circles again, friends, work, time, family and even mistakes.

Yesterday, I was at a friend’s wedding held at the Radisson Hotel. It was the first exclusive Christian wedding I have attended in my life. While I watched the entire episode with avid interest and murmured the Lord’s Prayer just in time, people around me turned to stare in wonder. I nodded and smiled back at the astonished looks I received. Needless to say here, I have attended catholic schools all my life. There are some things you never forget; things such as Christmas carols or the Lord’s Prayer. The happy moments of my past has a way of making me wish I could get back in time. And for me, my African-lived school days including Christmas carols, church prayers and the morning assembly is like a constant force through memory lane . At the wedding, like Deja vu, with the past swirling around me, I was transported into a small girl again, saying the morning prayers at the school church early in the morning. If it's so easy to remember good times, however, how can I keep forgetting past mistakes, to be made over and over again? Perhaps, that shows, how like the winter skies, I am not perfect.

But after I got home, last night, like Gabby, I had a downward spiral. How can such good memories from the past bring you down so fast? This morning, after a bad night’s sleep and sweeping back and forth from the present to the past, and the past to the present with a thump, I had trouble crawling up from bed and facing 2007. So how can you get a leg up one day and not the other? Why is it that sudden pressure makes your eyeballs twitch? I stepped back and wondered whether my past was much better than my present. I shook my head with purpose, it cannot be so, the past has good times and the bad, just like my present, and with sudden flash of realization, I knew what I was doing. I was trying to shut myself off from the present tense for just a while there, making the same mistake, yet again. Like an ostrich, thinking if I can close my eyes, I would be invisible to the world. Whenever, I do that, I know there is something amiss.

So, as soon as I got to the office this morning, I made a mental note of securing my past tense with nice memory strings to be opened only to cherish and smile and not to have a tranquilizing effect the next day.

Firm decisions made, like Gabby, I am taking a step backwards today and asking myself how I could better deal with things to make a head start in all directions. It's nice to dwell on memory lanes for a while, but running in circles with major issues do not help unless if it's in the rectification of a cause. I need to break out of the past circles and head start out in a tangent. Life isn't perfect and neither am I, so why do I keep trying to make it all just so? Trying to be perfect is nice, but only when it doesn't push mental pressure into a crescendo, thus making us want to jump on a time machine and live on a different planet. And why am I trying to live a perfect life now? After all, like Gabby says, there is no finish line and the lines are not always smooth; no one is perfect, we have to notice the beauty of imperfection in the circle of life and live with the people within.

A Similar Perspective

Today, for the second time I came across the wonderful article written by Ms. Iffat Nawaz, in the lifestyle magazine under the title of "Circles".

I am a fan of Ms. Nawaz's writings. This particular article was special because it had made me smile once in November 2006 when the writing was published and the effect had lasted for a while. I had every intention of keeping a copy of the article but somehow the moment passed. But today, I suddenly recalled that article and realised how it matched the phase in my life. So I searched for it and thanks to the efficient website control by Daily Star, there it was. While I read it once more, it made me smile, yet again. And so, finally, I have decided to add it to my blog.

“And who am I to them?” I wondered. Every group we belong to, how different are we, and which persona do we pull out to belong? I wondered how, in a social circle we represent and bring in something from our superficial or intimate selves to belong, a part of ourselves that might not define us fully but enough for us to be comfortable and to add something to that niche, something valuable even if temporary.

Like a cliché, I remember being younger when all I could be was myself, and myself only, and I had my friends who knew me to be myself and myself only. Now I have come far, a long way, grown, and diminished.

A Boat Trip

"You Don't Have to See the Must-Sees" - Pauline Kenny

When we start something new and it’s a roaring success, we cannot stop doing it over and over again. Take a non-materialistic approach to travel. The travel experience is for us to enjoy, not for us to recount later to friends.

The best thing about traveling is to have the freedom and the choices. There is nothing like it. Everyone's interests are different, but we find that some of the best travel experiences come from following the same interests we pursue in everyday life. At home, most days include a coffee and some social contact at our local coffee shops; finding a favorite café, restaurant or tea rooms near our neighborhood.

So likewise, I needed some stress free entertainment and now I think I just over-did it this winter. As January silently rolls in February of this year, it comes with changes in seasons. As ‘daily star’ columns on weather mentioned how the “seasons in Bangladesh always had a mind and a pace of its own. This year is no different. One day it is too foggy to see beyond the next streetlight and the next day the sun is blazing down while you walk down the road. If you're bundled up at daybreak, chances are you've turned on a fan by the end of the day. And it is a time to take extra care so that you don't catch a seasonal bug”. I have interestingly caught the bug but that hadn’t stopped me from enjoying a short trip yet again. Regardless of the bugs and the changes in weather however, this is undoubtedly the best time of the year for short day trips and vacations for anyone.

After my friend’s wedding, and my parents’ anniversary celebrations, work and study pressure, I bravely ventured out on a boat trip yesterday through Contic Travels. This was something I have wanted to do for the last two years but didn’t quite have the time. We were given a boat called the Fleche D’or. This is a ‘Panshi’ type of boat, which was used a few thousand years ago for rowing races between villages. They were broadened later, without loosing any of their very original elegance. The travel took us from Savar to Noyarhat and back on the Doleshwari, through the famous Buriganga River under the Gaptoli Bridge on a half day tour.

The trip which had initially started out quite small with just me and Mukda from work planning it, finally expanded and ramified in proportions until our bosses from work joined in with friends and families; finally we had to fight back willing participants to keep the number down.

What I have realized while planning this trip was simple and straight, stuff like good planning is significant and rare. If it’s excellent planning, you far exceed your own expectations. A successful trip is not just successful on its own, or just by having a bunch of people on it. Here are some hints to make it better.

* If you have a tour plan, stick to it. * Be in a great place instead of a not-so-great place. Don't assume that one trip will be as good as the last one, so do your research, read the reviews, talk to people who have followed the same trail and find a place that other people have liked.

* Keep enough time in hand for planning; give a deadline to people willing to join in. * Organize everything at least a week in advance, including reliable transport, food, fun and entertainment. Find out what is being supplied and what you need to take along with you. Let this be a different trip than others. Make it special for everyone. * Involve people in the same group or who have similar personalities and characteristics to induce maximum relaxation and level of comfort. * Take lots of fluids and make sure there is access to a washroom on the way or around if required. * Keep good supplies of food. Good food makes a trip worthwhile. Munchies can come in various forms, for boat trips; try nuts, Pringles, dry cakes and perhaps sandwiches. Chocolate bars can come in handy. Do not take squishy fruits or oily snacks. * Take your camera along and dress comfortably.

Not all expensive trips are great trips. Sometimes occasional trips, planned diligently, turn out to be quite delightful tours. Do make your trip memorable and wonderful. Look forward to it, plan it and do it. Travel on short, long or weekend tours and do something that allows you to see sights and centers around what means the most to you, personally; so that when you return home, you cannot wait to start organizing the next trip!

A Grandiose Wedding

..........I just got back from a friend’s pre-wedding ceremony in Chittagong. Try as I may, I could not get the glorious feeling of being in a different planet for two days out of my head. This was perhaps, the best wedding I have attended in a long time ever since my sister's wedding two years ago. My friend Meera's wedding in Sri Lanka five years ago was also very memorable. Set in a fairy tale theme with live ocean as a backdrop for the festivities, lots of candles, lighted pots in the form of lamps, everyone dancing salsa to spanish songs and the following day; friends of the esteemed bride and groom were carted away to Blue Waters, a beautiful resort outside Colombo.

Even though, I personally prefer small wedding, I cannot deny that the greatest thing about this wedding was the grandeur, the lights, the beautiful people and the wonderful music. Music is therapeutic. I listened to it, all the way in the car as we traveled to our destination, which took about six hours, and than at the dance rehearsals that took place all day and night for two entire days, at the pre-wedding ceremony and finally all the way back home. I felt like being an observer on the sets of a famous Bollywood movie featuring a wedding complete with lights, film and action!

Wedding ceremonies are a profound way to seal a marriage. As I watched the groom sitting quietly in traditional form of submission while hundreds of people splattered the traditional turmeric on his entire face and fed him hundreds of spoonfuls of homemade sweets I realized that custom is one thing that binds a person to their promises. Either it’s the church marriage, or the registry marriage or the traditional Bengali wedding, it’s a subtle sign of getting a person mentally prepared for the vows they take.

However, there are exceptions. Quiet weddings with a few close friends and handful relatives are quite popular too and a personal favorite of mine. No matter how a couple decides to bind themselves to each other in holy matrimony, either it’s a famous wedding in an aeroplane, a yatch, or a great venue selection where the groom alights at the wedding scene in a helicopter, or where the bride-to-be performs rituals to remove a curse in the natal charts before her actual marriage; it’s a step forward, a dedication made and a new change to life’s journey. People getting married, likes to mark this special day with an unique way of celebrating it.

Undoubtly, the best wedding stories I have heard about real live people I know would be one where girl meets boy, secretly likes each other without voicing their feelings, meets again after 16years under completely different circumstances and than gets married within a week, realizing that the feelings shared by them in the past was mutual. That would be the wedding story of my ex-colleague Anita and her hubby. The latest one, heard at this recent wedding would be of Shaker and his wife where, girl meets boy in kindergarten, parents move into the same neighborhood, boy tells girl he loves her in Grade 3, they grow up together, study together, start dating and than finally get married. Or the story of two of my friends, Faria and Mahmud who got married over the phone after continuing a long distance relationship for several years. So, its true that long distance relationships do exist, its true that if you ever liked someone there is a good chance that you will end up with that person if destiny has planned it for you and its also true that childhood friends make the best life partners.

So, you will know yours is a rare match made in heaven when you have your own story of tying the knot being written in your friend’s blog or have your friends relate the story of your wedding to their grandchildren and their friends for many years to come.

But how do you know when the time is right? Is it peer pressure? Should you listen to your biological clock? Should you listen to your parents whining in your ears day in and day out because they are in a hurry to see you settled? Out of all the options for getting married, including love and security, the best one I heard from a happily married couple this weekend was “ when you feel you have so much in you that you want to share your time, space and your life with someone; you will know its time to tie the knot”!

Check out some myths of marriage from: http://marriage.about.com/cs/myths/a/marmyths.htm

MYTH: Loneliness Myth that marriage will end our loneliness. REALITY: Many married people are still very lonely.

MYTH: Fulfillment Fallacy which makes us believe that being married makes us complete human beings. REALITY: A couple complements one another, not completes one another.

MYTH: Marriage makes people happy. REALITY: We can't expect our spouse to be our one source of happiness. Our personal happiness must come from within ourselves. Marriage can complement our own individual happiness but it can't be the primary source.

Start Somewhere…

The best verse hasn’t been rhymed yet, The best house hasn’t been planned, The highest peak hasn’t been climbed yet, The mightiest rivers aren’t spanned; Don’t worry and fret, faint-hearted, The chances have just begun For the best jobs haven’t been started,

The best work hasn’t been done. - Breton Braley

We may be having lot of plans and ideas and sometimes we wait for the right time. We also wait for getting the right resource. There are also occasions where we are waiting for the right person. This approach may have good intention and we may want to do the job perfectly. However, if we take this principle too far, we will loose valuable time. We need to understand that any action, if not done at the right time, will not produce the right result.

Many of us may also suffer from the ‘perfectionism syndrome’ where we decide choosing between either doing a thing perfectly or not doing at all. There is nothing wrong in wanting to do a thing well. But that is different from wanting to do it perfectly. Sometimes, we may use this mindset and tendency to delay things and using this as an excuse for our procrastination. Or, if the job or task on hand is unpleasant, we delay giving some reason or excuse.

Today, take a piece of paper and list all the projects that are pending with you at this point of time and against each item write down one convincing reason why you are delaying the same. You have to do this exercise true to your conscience. At the end of the exercise, feel how you feel!

You can do it today.

A Memorable Birthday - 9th Jan

The road to change is in creating a shift in the way we think. During the course of our lives, the way we talk, the way we move and hold our body, the way we think and talk leads a person to have a vague conclusion about what and who we are.

Whatever the cause might be, we cannot change what we are born with, our genes take us one step further into a signature of our being, etched with significance. We than, happily take it from there. We shape and mold our life into what we want it to be and in some cases, what others want it to be. Each year brings us something new, each birthday gives us the yardsticks to compare and contrast the quality of life we have led. Some celebrate this auspicious day and some don’t.

I have my own way of denoting and celebrating this day; this day when I was blessed with life. I was always big on birthdays, to the extent that if anyone else didn’t celebrate it I would look at them with gaping wonder. I loved having big parties, wearing those party hats and blowing those candles with eyes shut tight, making that one special wish that I would want so fervently to come true that year.

Till today, I don’t know if any of my wishes made while blowing those candles on my cake have come true. I never remembered them, nor wrote them down. But my life has been good and that’s one thing that beats any wish. This year, the tables turned. Someone else wished for me on my birthday asking God to fulfill my reason for living on this planet. Well, that was nice, because I don’t think I ever wished like that for myself ever in my life. This birthday at 12am, my family members trouped in with gifts and a cake. I felt good, I felt I belonged and most of all, I felt loved. Even my nephew handpicked a birthday present for me with ‘love’ etched on it.

The feeling was euphoric; imagine my surprise when someone I knew just for a month called me up right at the time of my birth that night? Was that a sign that this is going to be a significant year of my life? Isn’t every year significant if only we believe it to be? I am a person who believes in karma, but I also believe in actions, so I shall plan until all my dreams come true, and if they don’t, I shall believe there is a certain reason for it not to be.

This birthday was all about ESP. My ex intern Julia called me after two months on my birthday without knowing about it. She said she awoke thinking about me. I laughed and told her it was my birthday. Strangely enough, two months back in November I did the same thing on her birthday. Secondly, my friends gave me a surprise party in the same place I was intending to invite them to. It was a combo birthday treat where for the first time ever, I cut a cake with another person whose birthday almost coincides with mine. Paul was born on the 11th of Jan.

I awoke on the dawn of 9th to another long distance birthday wish which included the call of one special friend who calls to wish me every birthday without fail.

And this time, my birthday celebration spilled over the next day with a treat for my colleagues.

So, another year and another momentous yardstick etched in my life. My wish for everyone in the world is to capture every moment however small and celebrate it as “the golden moments in the stream of life rush past us, and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone” George Eliot.

An Appalling Thought

Everything we see or hear is bound to affect our judgment and thinking ability to make a decision. Yesterday, at a dinner with friends I decided never to touch mineral drinks again and switched to ordering for soda with lime instead. Belated, I went home and realized that soda was an aerated drink too, but the realization was far too late by than to remedy the situation. The deed was done, so with a renewed interested vested on discontinuing the same mistake again for my peace of mind, I logically consoled myself before drifting off to sleep. Not many days ago, along the lines of that same theory, a friend of mine decided to turn into a vegetarian this year to avoid increase in blood pressure. I would have liked to turn into a vegetarian too to reduce the intake of huge calories during food consumption and fight heath hazards as predicted by researchers.

This morning, interestingly enough, something in the daily newspaper caught my attention. This issue didn't gall me before, today the article starred back at me, vying my interest:

"We use a 'medicine' to help the bananas ripen faster and get a nice yellow colour," said a wholesaler. According to a study by Bangladesh Agriculture Research Institute (Bari), toxic chemicals are being widely used to enhance the production of vegetables. Traces of toxic chemicals and pesticides can be found in the produce even four months after these are applied on. World health organization graded the pesticides into three different categories in terms of intensity of poisonous effect -- Hu-1, Hu-2 and Hu-3. Hu-1 grade pesticides, extremely hazardous to human and other mammals, are primarily used to kill poisonous snakes and deadly insects that live in tea or rubber plantations. Hu-2 grade is less poisonous while Hu-3 is the least. The agriculture ministry of Bangladesh banned the use of all of these three grades of pesticides on fruits and vegetables in the country.

Read "Eating poison with fruits and vegetables" at:

http://www.thedailystar.net/2007/01/17/d701172501150.htm

I was appalled to read this piece today after my recent decision based on aerated drinks which had originated two days ago, following a movie I saw.

The movie “Corporate” is based on the life of power hungry people in the corporate world, the movie depicts deceit, corruption to the extent of manipulation and bribery. Fame and success is fought over and rules don't exist. In the movie, an example was shown of a desperate profit making scheme taken by the company to launch a new product in the market. This included a mint based mineral drink. To beat competition, the drink was launched even though the quality control results were shown to have poisonous pesticides present in the drink which was not easily detectable. Drinking this new drink could cause cancer, infertility and several other heath hazards. As the movie enfolded, management decision of the company was to bribe the authorities and replace the drinks with better quality once the launching program was over.

It was just a movie, but I decided never to drink aerated drinks again for health reasons.

Ironically a friend of mine wanted to give up smoking for its bad effects on health and made a new year resolution to give up smoking this year. Now, if we compare the situation of the unhealthy food available in this part of the world to other obvious unheathy habits it makes one wonder. “Is smoking really worse than consuming small amounts of poisonous substances used to kill deadly snakes?”

Nobody has all the answers of course. It is very easy to become frustrated after hearing yet another news report about a particular food or substance that causes serious health issues and than then months later, hearing about the same substance doing exactly the opposite from different sources. At times, it's hard to know what to believe and what to decide to formulate a sane decision on consumption, streamline risks and live a longer, happier, healthy life regardless of the countless amount of risks we encounter every moment in our daily life.

Goodbye 2006 - Welcome 2007

“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see”. - John Burroughs

Eid mubarrak and Happy New Year! This is the first time that both events have simultaneously collided here, and it should go down in history as a meshed year of good luck and cheer. So, let’s just say “Amen” to that and start at the beginning.

Once upon a time there was a princess who lived in a beautiful castle with a great king and a beautiful queen. She had a great brother and a pretty sister, she dreamt of fairies (good friends), unicorns (a great job) and a prince charming. She still dreams. Some have come true, some haven’t. Dreaming gives her faith, makes her life more worthwhile and shows her that there is a slight distinction between reality and dreams if she only learns how to believe. It presents her with endless possibilities of opportunities, hope, faith, trust and love. Her life’s distinct moments are etched in her memories. Some she measures and some she doesn’t. Some she remembers, some she doesn’t. Some she treasures, some she cherishes and some she relives over and over again.

This is 2007, another year, another milestone. This is my first entry this year. The year ahead is going to be a good year. I can feel it. So here is the resolution that has topped the long chart, I am solemnly pledging to myself that I will loose at least 5 kilos by the end of the year.

But today is a day for noting down the highlights of 2006 in brief:

New experiences and happiest moment: First opportunity of being a real aunt in every way, complete with singing at nights, changing diapers, making baby feeds and rocking the little one to sleep. Marfiq was born on 7^th March.

Greatest accomplishment: I finally presented my parents their first anniversary package tour. I have been planning this for years and finally made it this year.

A wish come true: This year marked my first official tour to Bangkok and transfer to the Marketing department.

Best birthday gift: A mobile phone from my sister.

Most expensive splurge: I bought my own personal laptop.

Memorable moment: The brother I had rocked to sleep when he was born graduated from college and started working. His first job and his first tip to me was just simply mind blowing.

Unbelievable feat: Took a trip to Kolkata to meet college friends from Bangalore. The timing was unbelievable.

Cool Moments: Had a nice fun chill out trip to Cox bazaar after 7yrs of my last trip there.

Saddest Moment: Loss of a ten year old memorable person.

Greatest loss: I lost two cell phones this year after the first one I lost in 2001.

New Beginnings: I started my blog this year and marked the end of the year with the longest telephone conversation in zillion years.

Best book read: Da Vinci’s Code

Best Movie watched: Grey’s Anatomy

Best soundtrack of the year: “I am a big big girl in a big big world” by Emilia

People and moments:

Acknowledgements are in order this year. I acknowledge my mother for being there for me all the time in 2006; I have grown closer to her this year and to my dad and brother. I am glad that he helped me out with my mba courses and has urged me to proceed even though I was ready to drop the handle many times. I guess that’s what parents are for; they are there for us unconditionally, like a shadow that pops up in front of you when the lights are behind you.

I learnt from my sister this year how difficult but how satisfying it is to be a mother, a wife and a career woman. It has provided me with faith, love, understanding and a belief that a marriage is not just a bundle of responsibilities but an institution between two people who have a reason of building a life together. I acknowledge my brother in law for being the older brother I have always secretly wanted to have.

My close friends Karishma, Deenaa and Babu have always there for me in good times and bad times this year, for accepting me for who I am and for lending an ear and a shoulder when times were rough. They have shown me how important it is to have someone to reach out to, anytime, any day and at any moment. My old and dear friends, Meera and Tanmi have shown me that motherhood is a profound experience. Shripal has reformed my belief and reminded me there are some who can actually possess all, a dynamic personality, oozing charisma, money and great looks and still have a flawless character. Imti has shown me how to sit back and see the humor in our lives with his constant wit, realistic candor, dry humor and positive outlook. He has taught me how we should take our life as lightly as possible. Rica and Farhana who has been around 24/7, were catalysts in moral boosting. Nasfisa and Shoma from my mba class are wonderful people, both so different but so similar to me. I have learnt that God makes people with personalities so different and yet so akin to each other that its evident the other side of our skins are just skins. The real people are within.

I have met new friends and great people this year, Naushaba taught me how lovely it is to have a good partner and team member at work and still be such an amazing friend. Aftab bhai has provided me with an opportunity at the turn of my career. Rimi Apa have shown me how to keep smiling even if the road is all downhill. Faisel made me feel good about myself even though we were at odds at most times, Sajid showed me how people with similar hobbies can be friends, Khaled turned out to be my twin personality, Farhan, Toufiq, Julia, Farghana, Adeeba, Shama, Rezaul, Fahmid and all the others at work were the easy going working colleagues most people wish for but rarely get.

This year marks reunion times with Nislin, my long lost Thai roommate from Bangalore whom I met in Bangkok after 6yrs and Shaiyan whom I met after 15yrs. Munira and Avni, who are always there far away, golden friendships tied with golden threads, and John and Mithila, my “good Samaritan” friends. Whenever I was stranded, they were my saviors on earth. Joba, Helal and Azaad are people who have seen me through thick and thin, were there this year, like the winds blowing, I didn’t get to see them much but I knew that they were always there, a phone call, a lunch, a coffee outing or a simple mail kept us all connected. And finally there was Shawon and Aashiq, people in their own worlds but who have nevertheless, found the time to meet up with me this year.

Yeah, 2006 was definitely a good year. And the few mentioned people above have made a difference in the life of a princess, moment by moment, turning her into who she is now, new born again for the year 2007. Her personality, thoughts, impressions and outlook are a blend of who she originally was and what she has evolved into because of the presence of the essences of 2006.

Each year we start something new, as I did this year, I am armed with not only mere experiences and a bundle of good people around me but with more enthusiasm. The mistakes of the year 2006 are not to be repeated this year and it’s important to list them down. Here are a few things that have stared at me personally in 2006, things I need to improve on…things that would help just anyone. ..

• No matter what, family comes first. Put everything aside for those people who mean more than anyone else would ever do.
• If you have to start a weight loss program, make sure its airtight solid with possible reward at the end so that the motivation lasts longer.
• Do not depend on others what you can do yourself. A person who is dependent is a person who is wasting valuable time.
• Be in control of all situations, good or bad, if you have to make a mistake, let it be yourself that takes the blame.
• Only having a backup plan is just not simply enough, have a plan B, Plan C…Plan Z if possible.
• Go easy on yourself. The older we grow, the more we are swamped with responsibilities, so if you take life seriously now, be prepared for more later.
• Steer away from gossip, it can only mean disaster.
• Say thank you and sorry as often as possible and do not blame others for your own blunders.
• Respect people for what they are, when people don’t have respect, they don’t have much. Earn your own, don’t demand it.
• If you want to start a reunion program, start now!
• Plan your days, hours and minutes if possible. It will teach you the value of time. That way, if you even fall asleep you can feel good about taking time for leisure instead of just feeling lazy and sleepy.
• Be as close to people who love you as much as possible. They are they ones who makes your life worthwhile.
• See the good in people. The bad is possibly not aimed at you.
• If you are missing someone now, chances are, they are missing you too.
• Love people and wish them on their birthdays. Birthdays are milestones.
• Being sad and depressed are moments, everyone has them. Get over it by doing something you would like to do, don’t fight it, don’t whine about it and don’t swamp others with it. They are your own moments; share it sparingly only if it helps.
• Learn from others but make your own decisions.
• See the smile on other’s face when you do something good for them. It will make you feel twice as good.
• If things aren’t going the way it’s supposed to, there is possibly something better waiting for you.
• Do not regret any decision you have taken, if it’s a wrong one, find a solution.
• Trust your instincts.
• Travel as much as you can, read wisely and widely, spend time with positive people. Be happy and keep smiling!

Grumpy Gremblings

Everyday is not Friday! There is always a time when being “bubbly” is simply a phrase. This week’s entry on temper on the scale of 1-10 would definitely be one of the few things below…

• The internet broadband server is so slow that it takes zen years to upload a presentation for a report due tomorrow and a message suddenly appears that says “Connection timed out”!

• When you spend three days planning a reunion (trust me, don’t ever try that sort of thing, especially when its after 15yrs and everyone else is on planet Zenus) and than everyone has something else to do, and finally when you have decided to go solo with your visiting 15yrs old friend, everyone wants to join in at the last moment but on a different day!

• When everyone has problems and you are great counselor, so when you open your mouth to utter “one of your problems, even if its just a tiny one” someone pats you on your back and looks at you as if it’s a phase you will get over because it’s you!

• When someone sends a religious forward that threatens to do something bad to you if you don’t forward it to 13 other people, and when each of these people on the chain mail keeps forwarding it “to all”…so you end up getting an inbox filled with the same mail. And you are supposed to ignore it. Or else, everyone on the list would get offended ( I tried replying it by telling everyone on the list that I might tear my hair out if anyone else sends it to me again, and someone actually sent me a website to check out new hairdos… so don’t try replying to such stuff when you are busy. Just delete the nuisance)

• When you have finished a report due after a lot of hard work and dedication and your boss decides it’s not needed anymore.

• And finally, when it’s Christmas day and you have to appear for a final case presentation and a quiz followed by a guest lecture to be given by an egalitarian professor on that same day!!!!

Argggh!!!!!!!!

The Last Supper

I was drenched in sweat, my body shivering in fear, my hands cold and white from clenching the iron rods at the bedpost of my hostel bed, I was hyperventilating and couldn’t breathe. I felt physical pain rip through my head. My roommates woke up and saw my hair stuck to my forehead and my body trembling, tears streaming down my eyes, over my cheeks, falling heedlessly onto the blankets. I cried for almost an hour with sobs racking my soul. “Please help him, he won’t listen to me”, I pleaded to my bewildered hostel mates.

It was a nightmare I saw 8yrs ago: “Please hold my hand”, I sobbed. The dark cloudless night was menacing. There was an eerie whir of silence screaming out. One arm stretched outwards, I was trying to reach out to someone but it seemed impossible. He was fading away from sight. I shouted at him to catch hold of my hand, telling him that everything would be fine. I wanted to drag him to safety but his face was turned away. Tears rolled down my cheek and my long dark hair blew onto my face, obscuring my view. He must have been hurt, because he was sitting on the beach, waves lapped at his toes, barely touching. He didn’t move. When he turned to look at me, there was misery in his eyes as if he was suffering deeply from a dilemma no one could solve. As I looked on, his face seemed to turn darker and darker, until the skin stretched out and his flesh disappeared. His face turned into a skull as I watched in muted horror. Was there nothing I could do to help him? I ran forward and clutched at his shoulders trying to drag him away from unforeseen forces, but instead of flesh I felt bones.

I screamed and woke up!

1998, a few days later: I suddenly saw him sitting in my friend’s parlor. As I entered the room it virtually darkened. The smile on my face froze; I stared at him with melancholy apprehension. I was wearing a beautiful light blue dress with white embroidery work all over it, cool, contrary to my state of mind. As he turned around to look at me standing at the doorway my tongue stuck in my throat and my heart started beating faster in dread. He looked sad and forlorn and just as I watched, my nightmare came flooding back to me, the room faded from sight completely now, and I thought I saw him looking darker and scrawnier. I turned and ran out the door, my throat clogged and tears blinding me. I couldn’t reach out and communicate. We were not on speaking terms. How could I tell him about my dream when he couldn’t even bear the sight of me?

2006: I ran into him just a few months ago in a restaurant. He looked healthy, happy and successful. He called out to me and we had coffee. I was overwhelmed and a bit shy at the encounter as I didn’t expect him to be nice. But it was easier talking to him than I had anticipated. I could tell he was nervous, he almost knocked down the glass of water on the table, the spoon he held shook in his hands. We sat and spoke about the past, of college memories when we had first met and were friends, fun at college plays, childish squabbles at the canteen, silly pranks we had played at others, the funny habits of a few faculties and the friendship that had radically changed between us. I was amazed that time and years had actually healed all wounds. There was indeed a time when we would just pass each other on the street and turn away our heads. Such silly childish egos!

While we spoke, he suddenly smiled and stated with wonder “I can’t believe that you are talking to me”, and I smiled and replied back saying “but, it is I who cannot believe that you would ever speak to me either” we laughed out loud. We talked for another hour and decided to keep in touch, maybe meet up with the rest of our friends later and have a gala reunion party.

Later never came: I froze in muted horror as I listened to the news of his sudden sad demise. In distress my body shook with irrepressible shudders. I remembered the nightmare I had had eight years ago. Did it speak of a truth that waited to be told? Are we all given signals through various forms that we consistently ignore?

Today, as I recall the past, at this Christmas season: I realize that the only gift he had ever asked me to give him on a shopping spree at Christmas eight years ago was a small, intricately designed, solid metal statue of the “Last Supper”, with twelve disciples sitting at the table and Jesus Christ standing at the head of the table, arms outstretched. We were friends than, and I remember asking him why he chose the Last Supper amidst a plethora of various other items. He had smiled at me and had said….

“Little one, you don’t understand, this statue is very significant because it shows that none of us are on earth for ever, Jesus Christ knew he will be returning back to the other life but he was happy to be with his disciples for those few moments at supper. Likewise, we are all but transient beings on earth and we should be happy always. We should cherish each moment of our lives as one day we shall all have to leave”. With his smile and his words ringing in my ears today, I solemnly say a written goodbye to a wonderful being.

In his memory I write this blog with a sad heart and a prayer for his soul to rest in peace. I have learnt that nothing in the world is so bad that it cannot be forgiven or forgotten. Are our fates really pre-destined? Do we all build our own karma with what we do in life progressively? My mother always says, “Be good, no matter what, and leave the rest to God”.

Today I also believe that life should be lived just the way we want to live it, with honesty and compassion, with vigor and ethics, with love and humility. We should live it like a blazing meteor burning across the sky and not just a twinkling boring star stuck in the great universe. We should learn to give, love, and trust, forgive and forget as life goes on. For, if we don’t, we loose out on world’s greatest experiences. We shall all have our own destinies to fulfill, our own roads to travel and our own mistakes to learn from. Petty grudges, childish egos and virtual self esteem are nothing compared to the essence of living and loving and are only obstacles that keep us from enjoying life. Nothing is forever, as forever does not exist. We have to enjoy each moment, because the next time we get time to live that moment again, it won’t be the same.