Bengali New Year 1414: A personal glimpse

Motto: Never give up!

Memorable Moments: Best new year in the last five years! Woke up late, gave up trying to wear a sari and visit a parlor to have a Bengali new year hairstyle. Was late for a corporate lunch. Taxi cab broke down in the middle of the road, forgot to carry a hair brush along, so I had my hair flying like a flag all over the place. Ran across the road to hail a rickshaw which had a sliding seat so I had to really hang on tight to a frail hood.

That was the bad part, than came the good part.

* Attended the wonderful free corporate lunch with my close friend Imti on the occasion of Boishaki at Lake Shore hotel. A complete four course meal consisting of at least 20 "barthas". I have to watch my weight again!

* Wore bright red to commemorate this auspicious day. I guess the red shalwar propelled the sales manager at the hotel to "pass on" the bouquet of flowers to wish me a bengali new year.

* Met up with Sabiha and Munta along with Imti and celebrated this day over sumptious coffee mocha at Bon Cafe.

* Came to office to work on a project, which I could not have done at home otherwise.

Still Have to:

* Have dinner with my troupe Rica and Co.

* Complete office work so that I can have free time to have fun at the office New Year celebrations to be held at the office tomorrow where I do have to wear a sari.

* Spend some time with my parents tonight and perhaps share a little daily gossip.

* Complete my project work and study for an exam and a final project presentation tomorrow right after work.

Life is short, so with just a little time-management and priority based schedule, I am trying to adjust this Happy Bengali New Year day with memories to treasure. Lets hope I can sleep off the 'burn out effect' after a day!

Bengali Novo Borsho Wish: "Noboborsho apnader shundor jibone boe anuk anabil sukh ar sommriddhi. Shundor hok agamir dingulo, ei shuvo kamonai".

A Bitter Reality

I got this forward mail in my inbox today, read it, thought it was significant to most such similar cases in the country and distributed it to a few selected people. Promptly after that, my friend Naushaba wrote me back this line "funny u shud send this mail at this time...coz just the day 4 yesterday, i was thinking abt all this".

That is when, I decided to add the forward in my blog for reflections....

As the dream of most parents. I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true.

Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India. My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.

I wanted to do some thing more than him. But, I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate. Getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.

Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home, I spent home one week, going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.

In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get any more holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, I returned to USA. My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week and sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.

After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and agirl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children. Every year I decide to go to India. But part work, part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India. The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rites. The society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA. My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.

Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA. I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.

Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode. Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same. nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM. Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it.

I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me. Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rites, God Bless them. But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'I am still searching for an answer................!!!!

-- "Think Positive & Do Positive"

The Flower of Encouragement

Marie shares some advice.

“Don't be afraid to dream of what you want to become. Be determined to succeed no matter how many setbacks you have. Don't listen to people who say, ‘You can't do something'. Get your education. There are people with more education, there are people with more money, but no one is better than you are unless you let them be!”

"People who feel loved, or when it's reciprocated, research says they live longer, happier, have better health and make more money," said Glen Jenson, Utah State University Family and Human Development professor and extension specialist. "The diet can play a significant role, but nothing is more powerful than love and intimacy." Even plants understand the voice of love and encouragement.

As I was conversing last night, I realized that like Marie, I too am the product and result of encouragement and support throughout my life.

When I was 4 years old, an international cultural program was to be held in the city and every foreigner in town was asked to participate and represent their country. Being foreigners ourselves, we were marked eligible participants for the events, and invitations were issued that could not be ignored. The trouble with the theme was that, the blessed country folk had to come up with something to do on stage.

Meetings were held, “pokoras” (Bengali snacks) were fried while discussing at length on what to do. I was too young to understand the peccadilloes of adult beings and their decision making policies in avoidance of being circus clowns. Finally, a lab rat chosen, I was sized up with joy by my young aunties. With few deliberations, a costume was designed, dance steps were taught and a star was created right there, right than. I was immensely thrilled with the constant attention and with the beautiful scented real flower costume made for me to wear at the occasion.

My tentative dance steps mainly consisted of circles, tiny hands and leg movements, lots of pirouetting and a constant smiling face. I was even taught to lip sing to the song that played. Under the tutelage of my jubilant mentors, my feet tapping consciously to the rhythm of the beats, the crowd went ballistic and I felt like a true born superstar.

Just before the dance commenced, my mom took me aside and told me never to fear anything because she knew I was going to be a tiny princess on stage and do well. Later, I realized that at that particular moment, nothing in life was more important than the feeling of wanting to please her and make her proud. I didn’t even know what happiness or success meant at that tender age. But, it surely was a time and a moment, when a seed was planted and an illusion took form. I become a child star covered in flowers on stage, and since then, I never forgot the pleasure of participation.

Causes to Celebrate!

Tigers roar, Bangladesh wins against South Africa in world cup cricket. Last night, a simple source of distraction led me to watching the cricket game on TV. Now, I should mention here that I am not even acquainted with the ‘C’ of cricket; football being more of a sport I had liked while growing up in West Africa where the game was more popular.

But, I watched cricket last night, just for a while. The playing was impressive and I was proud of our country cricket players and their playing skills, dedication and endeavor. My colleagues came to work this morning with heavy laden eyes and a happy satisfied stance so rare on Sunday mornings that it vied my pride a notch higher. Our finance manager treated us to sweets and shingaras marking it with the spirit of celebration.

Last night I had asked my dad to explain some of the cricket terms including Overs, Innings and wickets to me and felt good about knowing something about this sport, finally. A resolution for the day is to learn all I can about this game in the shortest time possible; Cricket is a game that is presently, such a pride and joy of Bangladesh regardless of other issues plaguing the place that I think its imperative to know how it is played, even if the cause emanates from fellowship belonging.

“There are miles to go before I sleep……” – Robert Frost”

Another cause that made the 7th of April the luckiest no 7 of the month this year was when my very own brother came away with an impressive first prize at the first National Corporate Go-Cart competition held yesterday. He won a huge trophy, which was almost half the size of my petite frame and a hefty prize money. He claims it was luck. He had no practice and had no idea he was a participant until his boss pushed him into signing in for the game. But, I believe it was more than just plain luck. It’s not easy winning a championship Go-Cart competition with 132 participants from different corporate houses, where some were perhaps more experienced at the game.

So, with twin cause to celebrate today, a spill over from last night, I wonder if that is ample excuse for not studying enough yesterday for an exam scheduled after work today. And, if I happen to do well, it shall most definitely be the result of a certain lady luck smiling down upon me!

Trees, Mountains, Lakes and Coincidences

While we are waiting and recalling all the things we want to do at this end of the planet, there are actually people at the other end of the planet who are doing it.

Here is my cousin Putul with her husband visiting Switzerland this week. When she called last night, telling us how she just got back from Switzerland, I told her with glee how I actually wrote about visiting the place two days ago in my blog and subsequently asked her for updates.

Putul is my favorite cousin. We go back a long way. Since we couldn’t possibly grow up together as I was situated on one side of the planet and she on the other, we had real bonding times whenever we both would get back to Bangladesh on our vacations.

Even as a kid, Putul was quite the doctor. She loved wearing the kitchen apron and treated us all like patients. She took our pulses, checked our tongues, told us we were alright and didn’t require an operation.

She is the epitome of turning wishes into reality. A doctor now, practising in uk, not only did she get a full scholarship for her studies, but she was the first person who was actually allowed to operate on a patient earlier than her classmates and appear on TV on a talk show.

Now, though we are not able to keep in touch like always, our busy lives taking us further away from constant updates on each other’s lives, she still is my favorite cousin. She will always be the baby sister I had fed when I was young. Whenever we do get a chance to meet up however, she never fails to put a smile on my face by asking “Oh my, but have you grown prettier?”

So, its definitely a coincidence that while I was writing about visiting Switzerland, she was, unknowingly and actually right there taking pictures to send for my blog.

Greener Pastures? Or not?

One of my closest friends today wrote me a mail that had me gaping with surprise. She was such a happy person all her life, I had no idea that there was trouble in paradise.

I sat back and reflected on why this happened and came up with no solutions or any easy answer. Just a thought.

Some of us tend to think that life across the planet is so much better than the ones we are leading on our side of the planet. I remember being a victim of that thought years ago before I went to study for my undergrad program in a place far from home.

Now, when I look back, I am glad I had the opportunity and the experiences I had gathered and would never wish to reverse back time to do things differently. What I hadn't counted on, though, was the loneliness I had felt, the parents I had missed, the tough life I had to endure. There were times, I would look at the white wall of my apartment and dream of being back home.

And than I got back home, and now I dream of going back. However, I know the score now. Sometimes, we just tend to ignore the small sharp thorns when viewing the lovely roses. Life is definitely better when we are aware of both the beauty of the roses and the sharpness of the thorns because only than can we pluck the tiny thorns away so that we don't hurt ourselves when holding the roses in the palm of our hands.

I fervently hope my friend overcomes her troubles, while she does so, I am taking a break here to count my blessings with a new look to my blog.

"God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" - Serenity Prayer

"Must-see" places.

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.- William Henry Davies.

Switzerland is the land of my dreams. I don't quite know when that fact was established. Perhaps, movies, TV and travelogues have made a tremendous impact on my traveling wishes and dreams.

Places I would really love to see before I finally reach heaven is to see heaven on earth. I love mountains and the sea and the lovely greens. I am a nature person. I also like deep dark rain forests, lakes and countryside views. Being a city girl, these places feel perfect to visualize when I am stressed at work.

I have had Nepal, Ooty and Kodaikanal in my list of “must-see” places and I have already crossed them off as I visited each place more than once. In fact, my first oil painting consisted of an old scenery of Nepal copied from a travelogue. Last year I had a great wish to see Darjeeling and missed the tour for various reasons. I had wanted to see real life snow in my life because I have heard it's quite an experience.

Right now, with the heat, pollution and congestion in the city, I fancy a peaceful vacation armed with a book, an easel, a i-pod and a place so picturesque that I can just sit for hours looking at the view, drawing or simply just feeling the breeze on my face.

I was shocked to realize that I have my entire annual leave and casual leave pending at work as well as a carry over of both from the previous year. If I don't avail them I will soon forfeit them. When did I turn into such a workaholic? Its not that I really want to work, but perhaps I really do need a break and visit one place for now…...My first target is to visit Srimongol with its lush green tea gardens and quaint cottages until finally, some day, I have an opportunity to visit the famous Swiss Alps.

It’s a fact that Switzerland has more than 1,500 lakes and it is said that you are never more than 10 miles from a lake anywhere in the country.

Time Value of Money

“Even as students we should think about retirement. Most experts would agree you should have financial plan for achieving your retirement goals when you start your professional career, or soon afterwards; otherwise you will find those goals difficult to achieve, if not, impossible. To retire comfortably, 10 to 20 percent of your income should be set aside each year” – Scott Besley, Essentials of Financial Management.

This paragraph leaped up and danced a mambo in my head for a while as I was studying last night for my quiz. Studying is good because pre-exam, my brain cells reach high levels of neurotransmitter activity. I tend to drift off and think of everything else including expanding on the horizons of the study materials. This could range from writing this blog to studying an ant carrying off biscuit crumbs from the table during my insect study days to when to clean my room, the curtains I want to replace, the lamps I want to buy, the pictures I want to paint, the novels I want to read and all things pending that needs to be done.

But “mind-stray” during exams have been quite beneficial to me over the years. I have had cleaner rooms, more updated address books, bills paid, novels read, cleaner nails, better sleep, I have contacted people and friends, became creative and definitely more home bound. The only drawback is that during immense brain activity, being a mite cranky and having low reserves of patience levels are quite common.

This time, my exams have compelled me to start a new savings plan. To seal the thought, I called up my banker friend for lunch tomorrow and she promised to provide me free consultancy.

Sometimes I think, maybe I should never give up studying to lead a richer, more fulfilling life.

Outlook:

* An article on the top ten steps to a better brain suggest that the ultimate mastermind diet should contain a smart choice of omelette and salad for lunch to slow age-related memory loss. Now my special lunch menu at Bella Italia can forever consist of their special omelette and great seafood salad without qualms.

* I have progressed from an activity Junky (69%), the average child who won't sacrifice their social life to revise to a commendable striver (9%) who will study to the exclusion of a social life.

* I have tentatively touched few aspects of the fifth level of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of Needs.

* According to recent findings, the fragrance of roses enhance memory.

The Truth Behind A Name

When I started this blog, I had a mean time trying to find a suitable name for my blog. I realised that there were so many people existing in this world with Anne, Anna and my other names that there was no space for another of it on a new blog. So, I decided to add Belle to Anna...and it became Annabelle. Satisfied, I left it like that without giving it a second thought.

Now, a few days back someone I know sent me this sweet letter. As she is more skilled than I am with English Literature I was overwhelmed to see her taking an active interest in my choice of name for the blog and sending me the link to a poem that was titled "Annabelle".

It also made me realise that things done on an impulse at one end of the world, even as simple as choosing a name, is probably done with great meaning elsewhere in the world. Maybe I should read poetry more often.

Since this is the memory week for me, I suppose I could add this to my blog to commemorate the occasion of how a simple name could actually bring back old memories to others....

My dear friend -

Long, long time back when I was in high school in the states, I bought a book from a garage sale of American Poems. I was very young but loved reading - specially poetry!

I remember the day so very well - came home, it was a sunday - read a poem I still cherish. I saw your blogs and liked the name you used. You are not a close friend, well if I put it in other way, never got the chance to know 'A simple soul put on earth to smell the roses' - Interesting that today I thought I would share this beautiful poem with you. Reason you will know soon when you open the site.

(smiling) Enjoy sweety!

Something to Talk About

Communication is the first thing anyone learns about. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say or ask for what we really need.

Based on this statement, I will say that I was born with a knack for communicating. I thought I could easily and verbally "communicate" everything and to everyone with minimal ease. I later learnt that I was termed as the “chatter box” of the group. I have never been called "BBC world service", which I assume is worse than being called a chatterbox.

As a chatterbox, I was also termed to be a ‘good talker’ in comparison to a ‘good listener’. A good talker in my opinion never has time to judge people; in fact, they never get to learn enough about the other person to judge them in the first place. So I was possibly floozy but amiable, vacuous but gregarious, funny but not a comedian and definitely full of fun and laughter. As a young chatterbox, I always found it easy to make friends wherever I went, I was liked and accepted more effortlessly and I was always loved by elders (and no, I was never their secret agents spying on the young ones). I was like Tweety chirping away mindless talk.

And than I grew up and learnt that communication is a two-way process!

With age and maturity I have discovered that being tweety is not always appreciated. We don’t have time to say everything or anything at all (in some cases) to everyone. As I transgressed from the active form of a talker to a more passive listener I have started noticing things about people I never did before. I learnt the word empathy as compared to sympathy and discovered that it was more rewarding.

And just as suddenly, I realized I had set standards for myself on the basis of chatter levels which I never did before. Indeed, there are some things, if said unconsciously that could sound “rude”, “mean”, “unfeeling” and “nonsensical” to the recipient which we never had to worry about when we were kids. Let the world suffer, what did we care? I also developed a sixth sense about when to say what and under what situations and it all boils down to respect for others. So no longer are those days here when a mild comment such as "why do you always braid your hair, you do not look cool" has been replaced with "your braids are beautiful, but you will look better if you leave your hair loose". Besides, time has become extremely precocious and any instant to empathize or listen, leave alone talk is increasing becoming difficult.

From my point of view, I call it “growing up”. No more do I mindlessly walk into a room and scream ”helloooo” anymore unless I am ready for a few surprise stares. Meanwhile, elders are not so comfortable with silence, they prefer chittar chatter and transparency. It’s also not so easy anymore to make friends when you prefer being a stoic “listener” for the better period of time. In fact, some people are most definitely intimidated with silence and eye contact no matter what.

And than, somewhere along the way, a little obstacle to communication called the “ego” too has crept up sneaking. Ego, I have learnt, is a word that expresses a wish to be appreciated as a person with values. As I see it now, I realize that people with very less ego in them are freer with words than a person with more of that lethal stuff but that could differ from person to person. It’s just a matter of choice and balance, self confidence, skills in communication and knowledge. With experience, I have finally realized that “Communication is definitely a tool, once learnt can be quite an important aspect of our life, it can portray to others about what we are and what they mean to us and it's wholly up to us to decide what or how to communicate."